LABOUR PAINS (Zenobi Software) Spectrum 48K/128K+2 "I'm nine months pregnant, Pete," Julia Brief remarked while tucking into a jar of Chips Ahoy's celebrated pickled eggs, "and I think the baby's on its way." "Gordon Bennett! Flaming Nora!" was her husband's reply. "Are you sure?" Julia nodded her head and Pete went into panic stations mode. "Where's the hot water, Julia?" exclaimed the alarmed Pete. "What the deuce do you want hot water for, Pete? Surely you're not going to deliver the baby yourself? I think it would be better just going to hospital," said Julia. "No, I need it to get my car started. It never works with cold water in the engine," answered Pete truthfully. "And I haven't had it out since I got my revenge on that pensioner's husband by hurling a water-melon at the old sod and driving off." "You haven't had it out since I got pregnant, you mean. Oh, sorry, you're talking about your car. Anyway, I used up all the water for my bath this morning. After all, I'm not as slim as I used to be" Julia commented, but Pete was on his way out the door. "Where are you off to, Snookums?" "Use up all the water, eh? Insult my virility, eh? Call me stupid pet names, eh? Well, as far as I'm concerned, you can go to hospital yourself, 'cos you obviously don't need my help!" yelled the by now enraged Pete. Pete left the room and, unable to find the door (he was blinded with anger), hid under the carpet or "someplace". "I couldn't get along without you," Julia assured the hidden Pete, but it was to no avail. Their marriage, for an eighth time, was doomed. She realized she had no choice but to "go it alone", only hoping that she wouldn't be overcome by her ... LABOUR PAINS Unfortunately, for Julia, the trauma of these events are so overpowering that she needs your help to guide her on her way to the local hospital. It is important to note that Julia must be prepared for hospital - that is, she should collect the sort of things she would need for a stay in hospital and store them safely in an overnight bag or something of the like. Having never been to this particular hospital, Julia also needs to provide the "officiating doctor" with details of her medical status and so on. A visit to the surgery of Dr.Thrust, her own GP, would he beneficial. NOTES: * The game is in two parts, access to the second requiring the input of a password. * The last command can he repeated using the AGAIN command. * Details of other available facilities can be found by typing VOCAB and INFO. THE DAILY EXPATIATOR Midsummer Supplement Edited by SUSAN BRIEF --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the Midsummer Supplement of continue the lease with Zikov's Brazil your Expatiator, the newspaper which always subsidiary, which offers furniture that is tells you the truth, the whole truth and "ergonomically superior to Zikov's other nothing but the truth, and pulls as many subsidiaries produce". punches to bring it to you in its full, unbridled Lady Hodgkins assured customers glory. The purpose of the Supplement is to that the changeover would not prove more provide you with a concise reference to all the costly. local news (no, not gossip) in the Upper Kissing and Lower Kissing area. AGGIE's WIG HAS BEEN FOUND reported by T. Turnip PENSIONER ASSAULTED Local beauty queen Aggie Richards has, at reported by T. Turnip last, found her prize toupee which was lost It is sad that assault is still raging in the area. two years ago. She told the Expatiator "I On the night of 20 July, a Vauxhall Cavalier was just throwing a few old mothballs into me pulled up beside Mr Ignatius Grimwood III, hubby's (that's Albert, y'know) sock drawer one of our most respected local citizens, and when, lo and behold, there was me toupee. I its driver lobbed a water-melon at the 78-year- was amazed. It's marvellous to have it back." old. The car then drove off, its driver yelling, Mr Richards was last seen running "Sucks to you, you old prat!". away from his irate wife, who was clutching a Mr Grimwood is now recovering in large meat-cleaver at the time. hospital. His sister, local celebrity A. Wonder-land, told the Expatiator that. "Two UND DIPLOMAS ARE "IN" years ago, a local thug jettisoned a cucumber reported by S. Brief at Ignatius's wife, Stephanie. Unfortunately, The UND, or Union of Nephology Diploma, the perpetrator was released due to lack of which is offered by Upper Kissing's very own evidence. This is all too frequently Union of Nephology, has been accepted by the happening." University of Bognor Regis The police investigation continues. Although the UK's other eighty or so university institutions have dismissed the JOB LOSSES AT ZIKOV PLANTS UND as "worse than an NVQ Level 1", Bognor reported by N. McNamara Regis's unofficial university's admissions In a shock announcement last night. Lady office has stated clearly that they are Matilda Hodgkins announced that, due to interested in the diplomas. "It's about time severely reduced income of the UK subsidiary we got some students, so why not those with of Zikov Ltd. the company has been handed UNDs?" Mr Pebbles Beach, the university's over to a liquidator, namely Hawkins Plc. admissions officer, told the Expatiator last Zikov's four UK plants, including its thriving night. Upper Kissing plant, are to be closed down. Job losses are estimated to be as TYING THE KNOT many as THIRTEEN local people, the entire reported by N. McNamara staff of its Upper Kissing plant. We are pleased to announce that Expatiator reporter Mrs T. Turnip is to be married to LEASES TERMINATED local explorer Frank Hawkins this week. Mrs reported by B. Underwear Turnip has said. "Frank's presently in Further to the job losses at Zikov's Upper hospital. and I don't mind getting married Kissing plant, Lady Hodgkins stated that all there. Have to get myself in first, though." property on lease from Zikov UK, the local We will, as always, keep you hospital being the prime customer, will be informed! recalled. Customers will have the choice to Summer '94, Volume , Issue 1059