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Health Warning - Instant Smash can be painful

Scottie_ukScottie_uk
edited March 2010 in Chit chat
A word of warning, do not mix instant mash potato too thick, then eat it any way. Last night I did and made a rugby ball shape with it and it was so thick it stuck together like a ball of blue tac. I then stuck sausages in it poured beans over it and devoured it.

It's hurts, really hurts. For want of something cleaner to say, I think I've just passed a cannon ball, ripped and lost blood. :-o
Post edited by Scottie_uk on
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Comments

  • MinerWillyMinerWilly
    edited March 2010
    You sure it's not just aftermath from your San Fransisco trip? ;)
  • milemile
    edited March 2010
    great all i am imaganing is a massive ball of smash covered in shit and blood.

    i think i will skip tea tonight.
  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited March 2010
    mile wrote: »
    great all i am imaganing is a massive ball of smash covered in shit and blood.

    i think i will skip tea tonight.

    It's a pretty accurate description. :sad:
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  • Matt_BMatt_B
    edited March 2010
    As it happens I'm having mashed potato with dinner tonight. I certainly won't be begrudging having to peel and boil the potatoes now.
  • Dave FountainDave Fountain
    edited March 2010
    C'mon guys, always read the instructions on the packet. It actually has instructions on tins of baked beans, it says heat through in a saucepan then offers a serving suggestion with hot buttered toast. I'd be lost without tips.
  • joefishjoefish
    edited March 2010
    Don't forget to remove them from the tin first. Maybe that was Scottie's mistake with the Smash...
    Joefish
    - IONIAN-GAMES.com -
  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited March 2010
    Dave Fountain wrote: »
    C'mon guys, always read the instructions on the packet. It actually has instructions on tins of baked beans, it says heat through in a saucepan then offers a serving suggestion with hot buttered toast. I'd be lost without tips.

    I did, but I think I left the milk and water on the stove too long and it boiled down a bit.
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  • MorkinMorkin
    edited March 2010
    Scottie_uk wrote: »
    I did, but I think I left the milk and water on the stove too long and it boiled down a bit.

    Is that how you cook it? I usually just put the Smash in a bowl and pour on boiling water from the kettle. Maybe add a bit of milk or butter and stir it furiously.
  • Bermondsey BobBermondsey Bob
    edited March 2010
    Dave Fountain wrote: »
    C'mon guys, always read the instructions on the packet. It actually has instructions on tins of baked beans, it says heat through in a saucepan then offers a serving suggestion with hot buttered toast. I'd be lost without tips.

    I think that's because of some bizzare law that says that certain types of food must come with a serving sugeston. Even jars of coffee have it on. I'd be lost without them too ;-)
  • beanzbeanz
    edited March 2010
    Scottie_uk wrote: »
    A word of warning, do not mix instant mash potato too thick, then eat it any way. Last night I did and made a rugby ball shape with it and it was so thick it stuck together like a ball of blue tac. I then stuck sausages in it poured beans over it and devoured it.

    It's hurts, really hurts. For want of something cleaner to say, I think I've just passed a cannon ball, ripped and lost blood. :-o

    Wuss...I've passed wrestlers arms before with no trouble...your sphincter needs more experience.
  • milemile
    edited March 2010
    yeah you shouldn't be making some smash with a pan of milk and water.

    boil a kettle.

    your anus will thank you.
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited March 2010
    This is one of the funniest things I've read in days :lol:
    Every night is curry night!
  • psj3809psj3809
    edited March 2010
    I thought i was a bad cook but this thread is embarassing for us blokes, someone who cant make instant mash and instead basically 'rips' them up 12 hours later. Not good !
  • jdanddietjdanddiet
    edited March 2010
    bet those funny looking robots never had this problem.
  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited March 2010
    Morkin wrote: »
    Is that how you cook it? I usually just put the Smash in a bowl and pour on boiling water from the kettle. Maybe add a bit of milk or butter and stir it furiously.

    Well you can make it with just water but then its plain. I prefer to make it with a 60/40 mix of milk and water, then add a bit of butter. It makes a real nice mash, if you ensure you put enough liquid in the mix.

    Silly me thought it would be all right, big mistake. I'm sure the mash was drawing water from me to as I was dead thirsty after a few hours since eating it.
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  • Bermondsey BobBermondsey Bob
    edited March 2010
    57905_manpoopsinbag.jpg

    Looks like this guys had one of those "big jobs" too. Look at the size of that bag!
  • fogfog
    edited March 2010
    MinerWilly wrote: »
    You sure it's not just aftermath from your San Fransisco trip? ;)

    considering the posters name and the message.. that's the winning message for me haha.

    thanks for the graphic description.. I'm surprised there isn't a thread for this sorta thing..what with fro doing an impression of the exorcist the other day :)

    I'm sure you'll recover, take it easy for a few days.. stay off the airline food, and anything heavy :)
  • grey keygrey key
    edited March 2010
    fog wrote: »

    thanks for the graphic description.. I'm surprised there isn't a thread for this sorta thing..what with fro doing an impression of the exorcist the other day :)

    Post a link, I must have missed that one !

    This thread reminds me of the time the Doctor asked me what my stools were like, I said that they were brown and had four legs !
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • fogfog
    edited March 2010
    no I won't, because every so often we all suffer from such things and it grim.
  • murtcepsmurtceps
    edited March 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    Wuss...I've passed wrestlers arms before with no trouble...your sphincter needs more experience.

    Were they coming down or going up !!!
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited March 2010
    murtceps wrote: »
    Were they coming down or going up !!!

    Both directions vigorously....without lube :lol:
    Every night is curry night!
  • fogfog
    edited March 2010
    way_of_the_exploding_fist.jpg

    it was too obvious not to post..
  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited March 2010
    fog wrote: »
    it was too obvious not to post..

    Should that not be way of the exploding fissure.


    The wrestlers arms is a pub in Cambridge.

    pic3572.jpg
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  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited March 2010
    mile wrote: »
    great all i am imaganing is a massive ball of smash covered in shit and blood.

    i think i will skip tea tonight.

    Well if you did have Mash tonight I'm guessing you steered clear of the HP source and ketchup.
    Calling all ASCII Art Architects Visit the WOS Wall of Text and contribute: https://www.yourworldoftext.com/wos
  • andrew_rollingsandrew_rollings
    edited March 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    Wuss...I've passed wrestlers arms before with no trouble...your sphincter needs more experience.

    I think Scottie was referring to things on the way out, not on the way in.

    (Not that there's anything wrong with that, beanz)

    Andrew
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