The Work Life Ballance.
Is it really possible to be successful in your job and achieve a good work life balance? Is it possible to earn a good wage or get the promotion without working extra hours almost every day?
I'm beginning to think I must choose one or the other, but you cannot have both?
I'm beginning to think I must choose one or the other, but you cannot have both?
Post edited by Scottie_uk on
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Comments
Tsk...
2 friends who are both married... both have FAR MORE responsibilities more than me.
1 friend work 9-5 BUT has to spend 1.5 hours on the train each way..he got promoted higher, and keeps distance from people at work and is tired in the week.. only see's his wife weekends pretty much.. they don't have kids
the other friend.. works a lot.. worked in academia, went corporate (got treated like crap) and then went back to academia... changed his job so he travels less .. and spends a bit more time with his 2 young kids.
a few people I know do a 9-5 job + another part time job or work at the weekend as well. your kid(s) grow up and you can't get that time back.. but sure you have to work.
it's a common thing that people have little time together , and well if you want that .. well the pay suffers I guess..
An ex g/f , her kid cousins.. their parents (her uncle) were always at work or rather do corporate events.. minted.. BUT the kids never had REAL time with the parents.. the uncle used to look down at me due to money, but well he was morally poor in my eyes.
same with another girl whose folks lived abroad , but dumped her in a boarding school in the UK.
what with how the economy is now, I think maybe it will make people enjoy the simple / not costly things in life.. or that me being a bald hippy :)
I see some single parents have no time for themselves and just around like headless chickens
my gf goes on about how she never gets a lunch break cos she is so busy.
couldn't work like that.
unless i enjoyed my job more than my home life, in which case i prolly would work longer.
it annoys me when people like actors say they have a hard life like the rest of us cos they have to work long unsociable hours, yeah i'd love to work those hours if i could dress up as a gladiator and pretend fight a dragon.
Absolutely seconded. Well said.
Some like to pick on teachers too, for their long holidays, but most 9-5 jobs don't have you working another 4-5 hours once you get home every night.
And again, it's easy for a manager having a nightmare commute and long hours in the office to criticise those who work to rule or stick to 9-5, but (a) if they're working too many hours then they're clearly rubbish at managing their workload and (b) I've seen too many husbands/fathers putting in the time at work and losing their wife and kids because of it to want to play that game.
Now there are a lot of jobs that don't pay a fair wage, and people still struggle to get them. That's unfair, but it's not fair to pick on people who have found something that works for them.
- IONIAN-GAMES.com -
true, but they are doing something that they love. i don't think people who clean toilets ever wanted to do that, the only reason they are doing it is to put food on the table. yeah some make **** money, but thats their choice, the job center doesn't make job seekers go for auditions for casualty. (although it would be awesome if they did)
id rather worker longer hours and make less money if it was for something i actually enjoyed doing.
I'm a web developer and earn an ok salary, enough to provide for my family and have a reasonably comfortable living.
I have been offered team leader positions before but declined them. Can't be bothered with the extra pressure. A few extra bucks a month isn't worth it for me.
I'm in a similar situation. I am the team leader for my department and I've been told I'm "manager material", meaning that I can do more and earn more. To my family that would mean we would finally be able to buy a house and stop renting an apartment, but it would also mean extra pressure that I'm not sure I can cope with.
From 1995 to 2006 I used to work so much that I would get home, go to my kids bedroom, see them sleeping and kiss them goodnight. Life was a little bit more comfortable but my kids were growing up fast and I wasn't spending any quality time with them. Also, I only had one half-day off and no vacations...
In 2006, when they were 8 years old, I told my wife things were going to change. I quit, moved to another city and she and I got different jobs (previously she didn't had to work).
We now rent a 2 bedroom apartment and have the usual job (8 hours a day, 40 hours a week) job, haven't been able to buy a home, but we're a lot happier than we were before. We're not rich, we don't go out a lot as we used to (Universal Studios, Disneyland, etc.) but we spend a lot of quality time together. My kids are 12 now, and they get to see me. That's important.
I also cook a lot more (Portuguese food ftw), take the family to the park, watch movies and play games with them, tell them about the Spectrum ("yes dad, you've told us that story before") and I still have time left to come to WOS!
People keep telling me "If you don't make sacrifices, you won't succeed.". Yes, I know, but I don't want to sacrifice my family in the process. I'm perfectly happy with my current balance between work and family. I'll achieve my goals at my own pace, without struggling, without killing myself working.
We had a mainframe, 200 production servers & 400 dev/test servers. These were all monitored, backed up & supported by 2 people.
Because it was shift work, there always had to be 2 people on site. If one was sick or on holiday, then someone had to cover, so the 4 day weeks quickly became 6 day weeks. The money was great though! (My managers manager complained that I earned more than he did lol)
I left to start my own company, and worked similar hours *but* that was my choice and its paid off now. I work when I like and see more of the kids than I did when I was living with them!
I'm of the exact same attitude (and job title, salary!). I really enjoy what I do and I don't want to be bogged down with the responsibility of looking after other member(s) of staff. I get looked at in amazement sometimes because I'm not interested in a management role. It's not because I don't think I could do it, I'm simply not interested in the slightest.
Ideally, I'd like to do what Lee has done and start working for myself. Just the thought of not having some work on terrifies me though!
I think maybe yes?
I had a one to one with my store manager last saturday, my manager was in a really bad car accident in January and has been off since then having several surgeries to rebuild her basically disintergrated foot. The assistant manager has been in control since she was off, his dayshift lackey has been filling in as assistant manager to him, now it appears this may be permanent.
Now here's what's up, I'm the only person who actually knows how to do everything my job requires, I have to help people who've been there 5, or even 17 years longer than me, because even after all that time they can't perform some of the basic duties required of them (how some of them still have a job I don't know?). Anyway out of the people with part time status I'm the only one who's steadily had full time hours since my manager got f**ked up in the wreck. The guy in charge now actually told me he gives me the full time hours because he knows I can do the job (and they've really been laying on the pressure over the last 6 months as well, it's been brutal, whoever says that working in a super market is piss easy work or it's beneath them try my job for a week, and see if you don't have a nervous breakdown :p).
Anyway the guy I told Mel about a while ago who was in charge of us at night, and was basically skiving and claiming credit for other peoples work got demoted (Mel there is justice in the world I have no doubt that C**t who's been f**king yo over will eventually get his come-uppence it took over 2 years for them to knock this guy down and work has been awesome ever since :D). Since he's been knocked down a peg or the acting manager suggests I talk to the head honcho. So I did, told her (yes her :D) that since I'd been working full time constantly for the last 6 months that I would like to make it permanent, and mayeb I'd also be interested in becoming night manager. She was really nice told me to put a proposal in writing, and even said I could wait a week or so so it didn't seem like I was jumping into Mr. Skivers grave.
So I'm gonna hand in my proposal on Sunday and see what happens?
Life can go up, even if you have a mediocre job, I'm going bak 2 Skool when my wife's done with her med type stuff, butin the meantime I might as well try and make better of everything.
Oh reason I blabbered so much is cos' although I've been working fulltime the night crew have been under a very strict no overtime policy for about the last 4 months. I actually go in trouble for going over by 1 minute once. So I haven't been working extra hours, and yet may still reap some rewards if everything goes well?
As for the life work balance, in my job I clean some really grotty premises. It's not nice work, but stress free, as I'm my own boss (for the most part), people leave me alone so I don't have to put up with winging managers (which is just how I like it). Pay isn't great, but I get by confortably so can't complain. I just count my blessings that I can provide for my family, unlike some of the poor folk out their who don't have a job, and those people I feel for, because in this current job market, you can't afford to be picky about what you want to do in order to get a job...
I chose an industry that's highly competitive and I can't design! But I am a good programmer and have a decent client base of designers. I don't have to go looking for work now, I usually end up with something in my email box.
And when it's quiet, I can usually find something to do :) I have spent 3yrs building a content management system that is finally paying off, and most of the designers I work with are on about moving away from open source to use mine instead.
Not saying it was easy to get to where I am now, building a reputation is hard, but its paid off - I don't have to worry about child care during strikes, school holidays, etc..
Is there ever a need to be out of work?
I can walk round my estate & see enough gardens that need attention to get a small business going...
I can see enough pensioners struggling with shopping in town to see that maybe a shopping/delivery service would work...
Yet the guy next door to me keeps complaining that he can't get a job.
Imho, their are plenty of people who do want to work, but cannot; as their are so many people going for any one job at the moment. Yes, one can go self employed, but maybe they don't want to become self employed, and instead just want a job where they can come home at the end of each day, without having to worry about keeping a small business afloat, and the worries that go with it... Not forgetting you need some cash in the first place to start up a business to buy equipment, and for advertising to build up your client base so you can make money in the first place....
I know that feeling only too well ;-)
I can program my way around plenty of data sources no problem but ask to come up with a decent design for a website and I'm floundering. I have absolutely no flair for design (my website is testament to that, but in fairness I put about 1% effort into it :-) ) at all and I'm fortunate to work for a company that has a whole fleet of creatives!
The next trick is explaining to a designer why their ideas aren't exactly practical :-)
I started with a basic PC. When I left my job, I had 1 client.
As for money, if you are unemployed and therefore probably claiming benefits, you can still claim them - they are adjusted to fit your income. So in reality you are better off - besides there's nothing stopping you job hunting at the same time.
I've set a couple of designers up this way when all they have is a PC.
I know 1 gardener that can't drive, so doesn't have any tools. Most people have tools in their own sheds...
From then onwards I have worked an average 37.5 hours a week, 5 days a week and holidays when I want.
Upshot is by the time I was 35 I had a nice house (paid for) very healthy bank balance (not enough to retire on but enough not to worry if an unexpected bill come in), good pension sorted which I could take now if I wanted and a fantastic life experience.
Would I do it again?. Defiantly, 10 years of working my nads off has made sure I can do what I want, when I want to and just take the jobs I enjoy doing with no real responsibility or worries. Just doing pin money jobs makes work much more enjoyable and rewarding.
I'm happy to do a standard week, have the weekends to myself and avoid line-management if possible. I'd struggle to look after a goldfish never mind having someone's career in my hands :p
I've always tended to work in the public sector/non-profit rather than the dog-eat-dog of the commercial world.
Like most people I like money and the freedom of choice it gives you but I'm not going to grind myself to dust in the pursuit of it.
I'm 39 years old. I have been working since I left University which I went into straight from school. I am a senior developer for a Public agency run by the Government (or the Scottish Government, I don't really ****ing care) in Edinburgh. I have a 4 year old son, who I adore. He turns 5 in August and he'll be starting school then, too. I have been married to my wife for 7 years and been with her in total for 18 years.
Up until the beginning of last year I put a lot of hours into my job. For anyone here in Scotland who ever get on the wrong side of the law and have to apply for legal aid - I designed and wrote the complete application for applying for Criminal Legal Aid. Oh, and designed and co-wrote Children's Legal Aid application system too, and co-designed and co-wrote Advice and assistance applications system.
I own my own top floor flat in Edinburgh. I owned a car. I could pay the bills, including the ****loads for ****ing childcare up in this ****ty country. I had friends. It all looks ****ing aces written down, doesn't it? You may notice a few words like 'owned' and 'had' and 'could'.
At the beginning of last year I had a breakdown. I had been unhappy with my life for over 2 years and never did anything about it. By life, I mean my own personal life and work life. I hate my job. I can do it easily. That does sound arrogant, but I can as I didn't get to be a senior developer and design and write 3 of the 4 major applications systems for Scottish Legal Aid by being **** at what I do. I pushed myself doing that and got nothing extra from it. On my return to work last October after 6 months off long term sick, I dropped my work output to about 40% after constantly doing a minimum of 100% before I went off. I get the same amount of respect and praise as I do now as I did then. I don't do overtime. I don't stay extra to help out. I do my contractual hours then I leave.
So, last June I left my wife and lived with my parents for a bit before moving into a rented flat. I have no car. I co-own a house that I don't live in. I have to watch the money now. I have friends, yes, but we don't speak much. A few friends I did have when I was a family man, no longer speak to me. I now only really have 1 friend. I see my son 1 day during the week and he stays with me at the weekend. I now absolutely detest my job. I resent it. Sure, I could just leave. But how will the bills get paid. Who is going to help pay the mortgage for the flat where my still technically wife lives with our 4 year old. I have no confidence at all and up until all this **** happened, I could never believe that anyone could ever have minus self esteem. Want to know what it's like to have no self worth? I'm sure I could fill you in, but you still wouldn't grasp it until you are in that position.
So, what the **** am I trying to say? Unless your job is your life then don't **** your life up as I have. You only get one life (as far as we know) and you should damn well enjoy it. Make it ****ing count. That's not to say you don't have to work hard or shouldn't. I have and did, but it's not for me anymore (as pretty much nothing is, but that is another thread completely). Sure, we need money to survive and pay bills, but at least try and happy within yourself. No, I'm not a hippy or anything like that..just severely depressed, but I envy those who still have the chance to make changes necessary (oh, I'll get back there, but it doesn't feel like that where I'm sitting on a couch with my mobile phone sitting next to me, I don't know why - my mum's away on holiday and my only friend is out on a date which means there is no **** to actually contact me).
I admit, this is all a bit 'woe is me', and I agree, but I've not talked to any ****er all evening and what the hell..it's not as if I'll meet any of you.
Hi redballoon
Thanks for sharing your thoughts... You make a valid point; we need money to survive in this world, but for those who work highly stressed jobs for a good salary, it's not the be all and end all, as ones health and happiness are far more important. It's a bit like a pair of kitchen scales - balancing family life, and expediture...
Edit: I work a 6 day week, have one day off a week, my wage is crap, but allows me to get by. So I just count my blessings at the mo.
Personally, I have spent huge periods of time unemployed, which contrary to popular belief, is not all that great! You get loads of stress then too, as paying bills and even just getting food can be tricky at times....and don't even start talking about Christmas! But, I can honestly say that the stress I get from being unemployed is a lot less than the stress I had in at least 2 of my previous jobs...
I believe you can find a balance...but it requires a lot of patience and a little bit of luck. I love computer games, so when I managed to get jobs where I could sell them and talk to people about them all day, it was great! Sure, I had to put up with all the crap from the management, and learn to ignore all the spiel that the give you to mumble at people, but other than that I had a great time giving people advice...
I'm quite lucky in that I don't have any dependants, so if a job goes tits up it's only me I need to worry about. I think it's because of this that if a job isn't going my way, I'll just leave...No more stress, just give my notice and **** off out the door. Another job will come along eventually. I realise that not everybody can do this though, and I'm not preaching it as a way of life...I mean I'm currently unemployed and skint and living off cheap noodles, and stay in a block of flats populated by Junkies and Drunks with dogs who keep yipping away into the wee small hours, so it's by no means perfect.... :)
But I'm not being totally stupid in the way I do it either...I won't leave if I have a "bad day" or if the manager tells me to do something I don't wanna do...I just mean if it's clear after a good few weeks that it's not for me, then I just pack it in. Far easier than when I used to stay for years in crappy jobs and put up with tons of crap from everybody just so I had some cash!
It seems to work a lot better too...my last 3 jobs finished due to 2 of the businesses closing down and the end of a seasonal contract. I didn't quit any of them! I stuck with one of them even when they said they couldn't pay me as much, because I enjoyed working there! And they've all sung my praises as being one of their best workers and have given me great recommendations...
But I don't know what the businesses closing down says about my choice of jobs or my actual work, mind you! :D
I do realise that to some people this sounds a bit wrong..."If you're unemployed, you should be doing any job you can get!"....yes, that's true to a certain extent. But as I've tried to explain to the Jobcentre staff themselves, if you put me in a job at a call centre, that I know I'm going to last 3 weeks in before I either quit, explode with stress or go on a murderous rampage over...then that isn't really going to help my cause any, is it? Being in a job for 3 weeks isn't going to look good on anybody's CV...
You have to find jobs you know you could at least be some sort of good at or be able to handle....I mean, I'm not just applying for jobs in game shops. I've applied for everything from mushroom picker to games tester, from Woolies to film studios! But there is no way on Earth, I will ever phone people up during their dinner to ask them about double glazing.....Oh, and having done the mushroom picking...you'd have to pay me a lot more than I was getting to go back to that nightmare again too!
After 18yrs with your wife, you might be surprised to find that she is your best mate.
The only advice I could give is to avoid solicitors - sort out access between yourselves, and show your Son that even though mum & dad don't live together, they are still friends.
I guess I am lucky with my kids mum because the kids get to choose who they stay with as we live close together (at one point two doors apart!), and she is my best friend. So school meetings, certain events, etc.. we can do together. Xmas day & new years eve we always spend together, and both of our partners join in.
Not saying its always been easy, and it takes effort at times, but its doable :)
My dad worked crazy hours when i was about 7-15 and i hardly saw him, not close to him at all which is sad and he missed out on a lot when i was younger.
As for the post above about being out of work. Controversial probably as i havent been on the dole so cant really say from experience.
But from experience i have heard many stories of 'dont like that job, dont want to work in an office/want to do a job i want...' . Frustrates me a ton as we're the ones paying our taxes to keep these people on the dole. Do you think the street sweeper down your road wants to do that job ? Course not, but he does it. I have manyyyy friends who do jobs where theyre 'just a job' and they dont love it or they dont want a long career in it and its just a 'gap job' between finding something they do like.
I think people on the dole who have been on it a long time should be forced to take certain jobs or have their benefits cut. Why do they get a choice ? I didnt have a huge choice when i was photocopying years back on a crappy job on minimum wage, did it to get experience and move up.
If the manager says something 'nasty' i dont just quit, just get on with it and know i wont be at this job forever. None of us with our first jobs were all jumping with joy on huge salaries or had the perfect boss who were nice to us all the time !
Cant believe some people get offered a job and the second theyre not happy or the boss talks to them in a certain way they simply want to leave ! Pack in a job when you have another to go to, not just because you dont like it.