sick joke number 1
I've heard they were having an 80's revival weekend in the USA...
... it was going OK until Katrina and the Waves showed up.
*wince*
... it was going OK until Katrina and the Waves showed up.
*wince*
Post edited by chaosmongers on
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[ This Message was edited by: beanz on 2005-09-06 00:23 ]
Two arabs walking down the to bazaar, one notices stitch marks on the others wrist
"I see you got your reprieve then" says he.
and you can guarentee Chaosmonger will be first to post them
No matter how bleak everything can become, we can always make a joke out of it.
Bytes:Chuntey - Spectrum tech blog.
Daren
I heard that the restaurant owners are going under in New Orleans, because the staff are still washing up.
Daren
[ This Message was edited by: Daren on 2005-09-06 14:37 ]
I remember reading some Princess Di jokes a few days after she died, some were very funny. Also read quite a few Lockerbie jokes and quite a few about whatever celebritys just died.
Very sick all of them of course !
Yes, I agree english, scottish, irish cultures (excluding welsh) have superior humour to everyone else. Although the media is increasingly telling us when to laugh and when not to. C4 should be shot for those dreadful american canned laughter type sitcoms.
"bhopal fruits made to make your eyes water"
Dont think its that bad . Same as most cities, if you dont go there often and have a bad experience you walk away thinking the whole place was like it.
I saw tons of big issue sellers in Edinburgh, more than any city i've been to. Bloody annoying. Would rather give my money to cancer research than to those alkies. Cant believe the grief i was getting from em for not buying it from them.
I just found London excessively dirty and full of ignorant people, now I know most of you southern english are accomadating, but I never once seen the cheeky chappie crafy cockney types, they spout on about. It's a great place for being stalked by strange people and being robbed at every turn and cheeked by arrogant locals in parsons green. Last time there, my friend coaght the landlord rifling through our stuff, when she thought we were out. Thats just a few things I found out in London.
Despite all this I'm giving the worst place award to Prague in the Czech Republic, where yuo can find the rudest people on earth, where they grudge having to serve you in shops, where they give everyone dirty looks. where the police make you wait dor 6 hours and accuse you of stealing your own camera.
Ah, now I feel better.
Oh piss and flaps hope its no too bad!!!! I'm off to Prague for my stag do in a couple of weeks and thats the first bad thing I'd heard about it.
Not that I think i'll be too fussed as I'm planning to spend the 3 days cun*ed out my face...hoorah!!!! :)
I think I may be able to help you there :)
(not sure if it'll work outside of the UK though...)
Q. What's the difference between Londoners and Smarties?
A. Smarties don't explode in the tube.
A Londoner was out walking his dog when he walked past another Londoner, who said to him, "morning". The first one replied, "Nah, just walking the dog."
The number of Christians may be on the steepest incline in history, but the Muslim population is exploding.
The Jamaican named as the fourth bomber was apparently lured into the gang with some 'shit that would blow his head off'
Two homosexual muslims were having sex, when one exploded. He was a suicide bummer.
Q. What's the difference between a suicide bomber and Basil Brush?
A. A suicide bomber only goes boom once.
Q. heard about the Muslim sex doll?
A. Take it anywhere - it blows itself up!
Two Muslims are walking down the street with bacpacks on, one turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb look big in this?"
Two Muslim mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the two pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photographs and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He'd be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now," mum confides. "O! That's so sad dear," says the other. "And is my second son, Kalid. He'd be 21 now," says the first Muslim mother. "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such dark, curly hair when he was born." "Yes, Well, he's a martyr, too now," says the mother quietly. "Oh! Good gracious me," says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He'd be 18 now," whispers the first Muslim mother. "Yes," says the friend enthusiastically. "I remember when he first started school." "He's a martyr too now" says the Muslim mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says:
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT IF IT'S FUNNY. However much you try not to laugh.
Hahaha... I remember some of them!
Did you know those Chinese Cockle pickers were supposed to stop picking cockles when the water rose to knee-high?
Unfortunately, Knee-Hi was in the van having his dinner at the time.
The government is going to increase the allowance given to Chinese cockle pickers by 30%
It should help them keep their heads above water.
here's a few more...
Gary Glitter and Lester Piggot were chatting in prison...
Lester Piggot says "Gary, i'm such a huge fan of your music. Will you teach me how to sing?".
Gary Glitter replies "Of course, but only if you teach me how to ride 4 year olds!"
A teacher is teaching a class of 10 year olds.
"Today we're going to have a farmyard quiz. John, what noise does a cow make?"
"Mooo, miss" comes the reply.
"Very good. Now, Alison, what noise does a sheep make?"
"Baaaa, miss."
"Excellent! Leroy, what noise does a pig make?"
"What's in the bag, nigger?"
What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron
What's worse than letting Michael Jackson babysit your kids?
Ian Huntley giving them a bath.
SORRY IN ADVANCE.
Great (but sick) thread this!
That Gary Glitter one was excellent.
I don’t think I have the stomach for it.
--Raziel (Legend of Kain: Soul Reaver 2)
https://www.youtube.com/user/VincentTSFP
Two men in prison. One says the other what are you in for:
GBH he replies
Whats that?
Grievous bodily harm
What did you get?
15 years
The other says
What are you in for
PPP he replies
Whats that
Pouring Petrol over Pakis
What did you get?
22 to the gallon.
Oh.
I am not rascist, its just a sick joke.
[ This Message was edited by: Daren on 2005-09-07 23:19 ]
Like these?
Daren
Irish woman walking down the highstreet with 2 buckets full of human $hit.
Copper coming the other way, 'Excuse me madam but what are you doing with 2 buckets of $hit?'
Woman..'Oh my son just got out of H block and I'm decorating his bedroom'
Baghdad is protected by Louisiana National Guard troops.
Just a few songs for the gig list in New Orleans:
Fire and Rain
I (who have nothing)
Fiddler on the roof
See you later alligator
Laughter in the rain
A: The French Quarter
This kind of humour isn't exclusively English. Sick jokes are made in most of the countries.
10 or 15 years ago there was the case of a girl kidnapped. It had a lot of coverage in the Spanish media at that time. Some months later her body was found buried.
And a few days later I heard the following joke:
Why do they call Anabel Segura's family "Masters of the Universe"?
Because now they have Skeletor with them.
I couldn't help laughing, that was the sickest joke I ever heard!