childhood myths
thought id continue with todays theme.
did anyone hear stories when they were a kid that were obviously bollocks.
there were some woods near to a kid i knew. everyone said there was a house in them full of glue sniffers. (which considering the area wasn't in the realms of fantasy) apparently they would catch unsuspecting kids, tie them to a tree and squirt glue on thier top lip, after a while you would become a glue sniffer and have to live with them.
also you could conjure the devil by saying the lords prayer backwards in front of a mirror at midnight
someone told me a few years ago about the myth of the boy who killed himself with two pencils up his nose and banging his head on the desk. but it really did happen at our school, it was during an exam, apparently.
did anyone hear stories when they were a kid that were obviously bollocks.
there were some woods near to a kid i knew. everyone said there was a house in them full of glue sniffers. (which considering the area wasn't in the realms of fantasy) apparently they would catch unsuspecting kids, tie them to a tree and squirt glue on thier top lip, after a while you would become a glue sniffer and have to live with them.
also you could conjure the devil by saying the lords prayer backwards in front of a mirror at midnight
someone told me a few years ago about the myth of the boy who killed himself with two pencils up his nose and banging his head on the desk. but it really did happen at our school, it was during an exam, apparently.
Post edited by mile on
Comments
mine hasnt yet :D
or youll go blind
i havent :)
Also one family, the roughest ones in town, it was rumoured the big scary huge mother had sex with all of her sons, all her kids were inbreds and the one 'normal' kid who went to their house once (as he lived nearby) told us stories about shit up the walls and how it had never been cleaned in years.
This family were notorious where i used to live, all the daughters/sons were in trouble, the huge great mum really was very very scary who used to come up to the school tons to argue with teachers and parents. Wasnt a case of us being cruel, her kids seriously were odd, totally totally stunk, could hardly talk english and were just very very weird.
There was a similar family on my mums estate. They were a family of about seven. The eldest daughter got pregnant at 14 by her elder brother, who we nicknamed Health Hazard (you've never smelt anything like him!). He eventually got the crap beaten out of him and stuck in prison after it came out he was a kiddie fiddler. He used to hang around outside the (juniors) school gates and when he got arrested and released he had the nerve to hang around again on the same day! The parents got hold of him and very nearly beat him to death.
Eventually the council booted them out of their house because of all of the complaints. The story goes that they had to enter the house in protective suits and there was piles of shit and it stunk of piss everywhere. The toilet, bath and sinks were full to the brim with shit so they couldn't possibly wash or bathe. They had to completely gut the house in the end and although I haven't been up that street for a long time now, the last time was about six years ago, the house was still boarded up. They got kicked out in either 1993 or 1994.
The thing about some child in Africa starving as a direct consequence of you not eating your brocolli (I remember Mad Magazine's "Children's Nightmare Playground" which had all the horrors your parents told you about, like the kid who was pulling a face when the wind changed, the African kid who was starving as a direct consequence of you not eating something disgusting your parents had cooked, the kid who's head caved in while picking his nose, the boy who got cooties from kissing a girl etc.)
And of course the myth you'd go blind if you enjoyed Palmela Handerson and her five lovely sisters more than three times a day.
no, not even african kids will eat brocolli.
That's what I thought. I asked that of a school teacher who was trying to force feed me something nasty at dinner time why don't they do just that. He just shouted "Don't answer back!". Never answered my question, though.
It's quite nice raw. Indeed, most vegetables are spoiled by cooking, I think. Compare the complex and subtle taste of a runner bean, just picked off the vine - with one that's even been just ligtly cooked. Same with carrots and cabbage and sprouts. The latter two are totally inedible cooked, I think, but raw are actually quite nice.
I think overcooking must be a British thing though (and for everything). I've noticed most people when they have a steak, want it "well done" in these parts. I prefer it to be medium rare or rare. Probably living in Texas for a while did that. In fact, I'd much rather have a steak just shown the grill and raw on the inside to one that's well done, because that way it actually tastes of something. (Then again I only buy steaks from a real butchers, won't touch the supermarket stuff with a cattle prod)
good job, youd prolly be kicked out
Actually it has....sort of...
I remember reading in the paper some guy was picking his nose at a traffic light and a truck hit him from behind. Finger went into his brain and...well you can figure out the rest.
Surely you'd need a rather long finger to reach. And quite sharp too.
I guess if you get hit at 60mph half your fist goes up there too....as for being sharp..well its a hole directly into your skull...and your finger bone is stronger than the 'light' surrounding bone of your nose that it would be pushing through.
Its about 13yrs ago since I read it but I remember we were giggling about it at work (back in England) so I'm not 100% on all the details but he did die I remember that.
.......wait for it.....
The story really got stuck in my head. (sorry)
EDIT: ..to the point that I didn't pick my nose at traffic lights for years.
Hahahaha, that's quality :lol:
Or If you want to see if you have worms, hold a sugar lump right near your bum hole. Then if you do have them, a worm will pop out and try and get the sugar. At which point you can grab it and pull it out.
Umm it wasn't an 'Uncle' who told you this one was it?
The worms one I've also heard but the variation I had was typically for a tape worm. Hold the sugar cube in front of your open mouth, then grab the tapeworm when it tries to get it. Some bloke who one of my friends worked with spun an even more ridiculous version of this, he tried to tell my friend you have to use a plate of mince 'n dumplings, and that he had actually wrestled the tapeworm out of his own throat. This fella was about 30 at the time too, what an absolute bellend :lol:
I've also heard the brains caving in if you pick your nose.
Picking your belly button will make your arse fall off, also worded as picking it will unscrew your bum.
We used to go on about gluesniffers a lot round my way, sad thing is the park bushes where I lived really were always full of glueys, and if not glueys poli-bags full of dried Evo, Cow Gum, Bostik, etc.
We used to tell people about a guy called Jackie Shiter, who hung around down the parks, and in the cut between Wallsend Sports Centre and the Army Barracks. Jackie Shiter of course never really existed.
(1) The older kids would flush your head down the toilets
(2) You would get expelled if you couldn't do joined-up writing
Funny what you believe when you're a green first year.
I remember one time in primary school (or junior school as it was then), half the class were a year older and they had to go off to see the school nurse. No-one said why. It was all very mysterious, then the teacher said they were having part of their tongue cut out for some reason or other. Cue some very freaked out kids hoping we wouldn't be next!
Actually that teacher was full of nonsense. She once claimed her class were on a field trip and were being mistakenly chased by some secret service types. That old woman could sling bull with the best of them!
Other school myths: the jab you get when you're 13. It's the big one. Can't remember what it's for but it's the one that leaves it's mark well into adulthood. My brother who was a few years older would come back with stories of kids having the needle stuck in the arm, crying and bleeding and everything. When it was my turn, I got all panicky remembering the stories he had told and was so fearful of it getting stuck and breaking that I had to tell the nurse to shut the door so the other pupils couldn't see me. Unfortunately everyone then thought I was a bit of a wimp afterwards and the jab didn't even hurt!
Best myth: across from my house is relatively untouched fenland marsh. A few metres inwards, across from the other side of a small stream and some trees is the old abandoned hatchery sheds where chickens would be kept. These were quite eerie by their own accord, but then my brother had said if you peek through the keyhole of the shed marked '5', there's a man inside with red devil eyes who eats rats. He even got a load of his mates down there on a ghost-hunting expedition to check it out. I remember seeing them coming back and several of them saying they'd seen the man and they'd run away when he had seen them looking! Damn I was freaked out. Me and my mates used to play just a few feet away, in a sheltered little cove the other side of the stream and the shed and were afraid to go near it. Eventually we plucked up the courage when we were about 9, but to our disappointment the sheds were empty. Still I always felt a little uncomfortable being near them, even when a few years back I returned from the pub pissed and wanted another look. I kind of wished I'd never checked out the sheds and kept the myth alive.
Interesting, I was always told when you brown meat, you put it in the wrong hole.
I was told that I couldn't go outside without drying my hair first, warts would appear on my finger if I pointed at someone or something, I would get sick if I had orange juice at night, I would get sick if I mixed orange juice with milk, I would get sick if I didn't use an umbrella when it was raining, I wouldn't grow if I drank soda, If I heard a noise and there was no one outside the house I should never open the door and say something like 'come on in', I shouldn't drop salt on the floor, etc.
I also remember other myths and stories, but those are related to ghosts, stories from the country side and other weird things that happened to members of my family. The older Portuguese generations are very superstitious.
I wonder what Cornishpasty was told as a kid
1. the red sauce you out on ice creams is made from monkeys blood (i still call it that today :))
2. 'they' pull old peoples teeth out and put them in cans of spray paint, and that's what the rattling sound is when you shake them. and that's why old people have false teeth.
That was actually true at my school. If it was your birthday, you either got thrown in a bath full of ice water or got your head flushed down the toilet. It wasn't too bad. I was always having my head flushed down the toilet, even if it wasn't my birthday. Certainly better than the ice water.
In Britain, getting your head flushed down the toilet is called a "bogwash". In the US, it's called a "swirly".
its called assault these days. :p
Then there was "Mr Blake" - the man that came around the houses looking for, and taking away all the naughty children. I've no idea where this one came from, maybe it's an Irish thing. My mum would say it to my sister and me, but gran would also, and since gran was of Irish decent, I assume her mother said it to her also. Either way, it put the living shits up my sister and me!