I've just has a vist from the Jehovah's.

edited July 2009 in Chit chat
I've just has a vist from the Jehovah's Witnesses (of was it the pastie's grandad). Apparently the end of the system is comming very soon. :o

I just thaught I'd better warn you all to start being more gooder-er. Or alse when the time comes you'll be going down to the the FIREY PITS OF HELL!!! WHERE THERE WILL BE GNASHING OF THEETH EXTEEME PAIN.

So be good or else!! :o :x

Death it looks like you have some serious over time comming up soon. So I'd get well rested.

Andrew.
Post edited by Scottie_uk on
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Comments

  • edited September 2007
    Crikey...i don't mind them here..you're allowed to shoot them.
    I stole it off a space ship.
  • edited September 2007
    Trouble is, when the system crashes and goes pop, heaven and hell goes with it, so I'll be out of a job. I'll have to retire since I'm old to retrain now and I refused to do a YTS teaboy course, so I'll get no benifits either. "Bugger" hissed DEATH :(

    Hey, since I'm imortal, I could wait for another civilisation to grow somewhere else and re-introduce the Speccy! he he he, just call me Clive :) Microdrives anyone? Only a 6 month wait :)
    Oh bugger!<br>
  • edited September 2007
    i dont mind them coming to the door, if i polielty tell them im not interested they just leave. of course i answer the door naked with a hard on

    im always good, cos it wont be long before santa will be making his list and checking it twice.
  • edited September 2007
    Maybe they were dyslexic? They probably meant that Santa is coming.
    My test signature
  • edited September 2007
    Did they seriously say the end of the world is coming ? Thats very poor.

    I'm not keen on people knocking on my door wanting me to convert or whatever, if i wanted to do that i'll go find a church. But for someone to knock on your door with the 'the world is gonna end' thats very bad

    Saying that i still remember in the early 90's once when some jehovas came round my folks house when i lived there. The two girls he was with were simply stunning. I was tempted to join then !
  • edited September 2007
    psj3809 wrote: »

    Saying that i still remember in the early 90's once when some jehovas came round my folks house when i lived there. The two girls he was with were simply stunning. I was tempted to join then !

    ha ha, the classic honey trap.
  • edited September 2007
    They've always been of the opinion that the world is about to end. Look here:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eschatology_of_Jehovah%27s_Witnesses

    The fact that they've got it wrong so many times doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence this time around either.
  • edited September 2007
    Well, the world really IS going to end, I can say that with cast iron certainty. The Sun has less than 5 billion years of main sequence to run - at most we probably have 4 billion years left. In terms of the lifespan of the universe, that's not all that long, so if you're using that relative timespan, you can say the world is, in fact, about to end.

    Oh well, just about time for another cup of tea.
  • edited September 2007
    mile wrote: »
    ha ha, the classic honey trap.

    Flippin worked. Nearly 25 years on and i still remember that day. Parents were away on holiday, i had a huge hangover, mates staying in my folks house. Opened up the door (frickin 9am) ready to have a right go at whoever it was knocking at that time and these two gorgeous, i mean gorgeous girls were there with this typical jehova witnesses bloke.

    I looked a complete state and probably was dribbling whilst i was looking at them as i was still half drunk, it was like a miracle ! I nearly was converted that second.
  • edited September 2007
    say what you want about pushy religious types at your door, they aren't half as bad as NTL.
  • edited September 2007
    Last Jehovah that knocked on my door was absolutely years, and got told to leave politely by my ma. The clincher was that when she tried to shut the door the bastard put his foot in the way and started getting all preachy, so she pushed him overand slammed the door which bounced off his foot a few times until he moved it away.

    My ma then told him to leave or she'd phone the coppers (now that I think back it' probably just as well she didn't cos' she probably would have got took away instead of him :D).

    Hare Krishnas on the other hand are no bother, they can take no for an answer, and they're usually polite and don't try and tell you that "You must shave you head apart from 1 little jedi braid, and dance down the main street in the city center wearing nothing but a curtain and chanting indecipherable mantras". So this is why Krishnas don't bother me (of course it would be better if they wouldn't knock on your door at all).
    Every night is curry night!
  • edited September 2007
    I've had the Jehovah's witnesses a couple of times. They always do stunts like turn up with children (and let the children do the spiel - child exploitation, I say), or pretty young women.

    When my house was still a wreck, I was alone one morning doing some random piece of joinery. At the time, from the outside, the house looked as it had for years - i.e. just a normal house with people living in it, because we hadn't started working on the outside yet.

    Quickest Jehovah's Witness meeting I've had. I opened the door (to a scene of destruction), myself covered in dirt, holding a hammer and the piece of wood I'd just been sawing. They offered me a leaflet and hastily departed.

    My dad had a good one. They came to his door once.
    "Do you want to be saved?" they asked.
    "No." he replied.

    They flapped a bit. I don't think they had anything in their script for someone who just says "no" to that question.
  • edited September 2007
    Winston wrote: »
    Well, the world really IS going to end, I can say that with cast iron certainty. The Sun has less than 5 billion years of main sequence to run - at most we probably have 4 billion years left. In terms of the lifespan of the universe, that's not all that long, so if you're using that relative timespan, you can say the world is, in fact, about to end.

    STOP RIGHT THERE??? HOW WAS I NOT TOLD THIS???

    Anyway (as I reach for my coat), I'm lucky. I live in a flat that's above a shop (along with about another 19 flats - lovely open space on the flat roof), and the only way in is by someone buzzing them in or having the security dongle, so they can't get me! MWAHAHAHAHA!
  • edited September 2007
    The absolute best one is from the GENIUS that is Black Books!
    the religious loonies come and knock on the door and Bernard is so lonely and bored that he invites them in, and tries to engage them in conversation about the bible. They're totally stumped and don't know what to say, cause they've never got past the door slamming phase before :lol:
  • edited September 2007
    We have them come round a few times every couple of months but each time we tell them we're not intrested. The sexy-bird-with-the-old-bloke trick won't work with me. In fact, they haven't tried that trick with us - it's always been a man who looks over 50 and a woman who looks just as old.

    We had a visit from them last week just as Emma was coming back from school - we had to threaten them with the police when we caught them trying to preach to her that her parents were sinners and that's why she has no legs. (This was after we told them we weren't intrested in joining for the upteenth time)
  • edited September 2007
    guesser wrote: »
    The absolute best one is from the GENIUS that is Black Books!
    the religious loonies come and knock on the door and Bernard is so lonely and bored that he invites them in, and tries to engage them in conversation about the bible. They're totally stumped and don't know what to say, cause they've never got past the door slamming phase before :lol:

    a bloke i once met said he did that for a laugh, brought them in listened to their spiel gave them tea etc. they came back everyday for two weeks hounding him.

    funny though how they only seems to be christians who do it. (apart fom cults) no one has ever tried to convert me to judism, and the 3 or 4 times i've visited a mosque i haven't got so much as a leaflet inviting me to join.

    christianity: the slag of modern religion.
  • edited September 2007
    Unfortunately I got two old geezers who looked upwards of about 60.

    I was thinking (and rather cruely) yes, your end of the system maybe comming very soon but (with a little luck ) not mine.

    I think they were after some last minute redemption from a life of sin and debauchery. :lol:

    They have given me two lovely pamphlets to read "The Watch Tower" and "Awake". I'm sure the Pasty could find all all sorts of hidden meanings in there.

    Awake's lead story is about how the love of money and posessions is harmfull to ourselves and our children. There is a whole section about ungreatfull spoild teenagers who dont appreciate what they have.


    Andrew.
    Calling all ASCII Art Architects Visit the WOS Wall of Text and contribute: https://www.yourworldoftext.com/wos
  • edited September 2007
    I like asking them why blood transfusions were banned until the editor of watchtowers daughter needed one. Then all of a sudden 'certain types' are allowed.

    So the editor is happy to let millions of children die because they need blood, but when its one of his, the rules change?

    It just goes to show that they don't follow a religion, they follow a magazine editor.

    *me gets ideas*

    You're all going to die unless you buy ZX Shed! Only sinners download the pdf's!

    [edit] And none of that following false religions - ZXF is the devil! [/edit]
    My test signature
  • edited September 2007
    I don't like hte fact that they can get preferencal treatment from the authorities as one episode of Law and Order demonstrated - a suspect had to give a saliva sample and refused because he said he was a Jehovah's Witness and the lab tech said she wasn't allowed to take a sample.
  • edited September 2007
    I don't like hte fact that they can get preferencal treatment from the authorities as one episode of Law and Order demonstrated - a suspect had to give a saliva sample and refused because he said he was a Jehovah's Witness and the lab tech said she wasn't allowed to take a sample.

    is that true or just a TV thing?

    i thought you could refuse to give a sample if asked, of course it doesn't look good for your case if you do.
  • edited September 2007
    I was so jealous of jehovas at school as this one girl never had to take RE and instead could sit in the school hall doing homework/reading a book. I pretended i was a jehovas but didnt work !

    Great point by Lee, theyre just total hypocrites. I'm not religious myself but the short period when i did look at religion i was disgusted with all the hypocrites in religion. You have christians making out people should send money to them (US) and then living a lavish lifestyle by conning people. Roman catholics covering up all this kiddie fiddler business, very bad. Cant stand any of it
  • edited September 2007
    We had a visit from them last week just as Emma was coming back from school - we had to threaten them with the police when we caught them trying to preach to her that her parents were sinners and that's why she has no legs. (This was after we told them we weren't intrested in joining for the upteenth time)

    Obviously they believe in a nasty, conniving vindictive god if they think that is true. Why would a kind god take a child's legs because of the actions of her parents? Perhaps their god is also the devil!
  • edited September 2007
    Some good questions to ask the JWs when they come round:

    1. Why didn't the world end in 1975 like they predicted?
    2. Ditto for 1914, 1915, 1920 & 1925.
    3. Given that they got those dates wrong, why should you believe them when they still say the apocalypse is imminent?
    4. Given that they believe that Jesus returned to Earth in 1914, how do they know you're not him?
    5. Given that even meat which has been drained still contains traces of blood, how come they're not all vegetarians?
    6. What happens to the 6 million or so JWs that can't go to heaven as there's only room for 144,000 there?
    7. If the bible should be interpreted literally, is it still OK to kill adulterers, own slaves, etc. given the appropriate passages in Exodus?

    That should keep them busy for a while. :)
  • edited September 2007
    On the inside of the Watchtower mag it says "Average Printing Each Issue 28,578,000"

    What is does not say is of that 28,578,000 copies all but a few are actually read or even looked at for more than a moment.

    It's religious spam!!

    What a waste of tree's!! But I dont suppose they care about the environment, after all according to them the worlds going to end soon anyway.



    Andrew.
    Calling all ASCII Art Architects Visit the WOS Wall of Text and contribute: https://www.yourworldoftext.com/wos
  • edited September 2007
    We had a visit from them last week just as Emma was coming back from school - we had to threaten them with the police when we caught them trying to preach to her that her parents were sinners and that's why she has no legs. (This was after we told them we weren't intrested in joining for the upteenth time)

    Prime example of why I am an athiest.
    Oh bugger!<br>
  • edited September 2007
    DEATH wrote: »
    Prime example of why I am an athiest.

    Well you'd know. But then I suppose you only go as far as the gates, you don't get to see what goes on inside. :lol:
    Calling all ASCII Art Architects Visit the WOS Wall of Text and contribute: https://www.yourworldoftext.com/wos
  • edited September 2007
    May I enquire when it is OK to discuss religion on these forums and when it is not?
  • edited September 2007
    Scottie_uk wrote: »
    What a waste of tree's!! But I dont suppose they care about the environment, after all according to them the worlds going to end soon anyway.

    You know - that's actually used as a legitimate reason by some of the fundies over here as to why it's okay to rape the environment...

    Andrew
  • edited September 2007
    ghbearman wrote: »
    May I enquire when it is OK to discuss religion on these forums and when it is not?

    Its okay to discuss religion when we slate it and have jokes, its not okay to discuss religion when people actually want to talk about the 'positives' of it ! ;)
  • edited September 2007
    ghbearman wrote: »
    May I enquire when it is OK to discuss religion on these forums and when it is not?

    I don't think it IS ok to discuss religion on these forums.

    However, when people use children as a lever to force an opinion, I DO have an opinion on that and am allowed to air it, unless we all of a sudden live in a dictatorship. Assuming it has offended you, I apologise. However, I simply said I'm an athiest - as such, discussing religion would be a waste of time for me, since I do not need to defend any opinions or see the need to preach and force opinions on other people.
    Oh bugger!<br>
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