Managment speak
The top 10 spam thread inspired me to start this one, your all time favourite managment speak phrases. :-)Ill start with mine and also provide a concise translation for those of you who have never sat through a comunication hour or power point presentation. As i hadnt until three years ago.
Here goes
"Stepping out of your cumfort zone"
This basicaly means that your boss or managment want you to take on extra tasks for wich you have absolutley no training and is to be found nowhere in your job discription. For doing this you will receive no extra pay but it may help when pay review time comes around. The tasks given will usualy be lower managment type tasks, but it works out much more cost effective to get a lower payed member of staff to do. This will also free up managment time to develope even more riveting power point presentations and flow charts.
It can also be linked in with "employee led learning/development" and this basicly means your on your own kiddo,suck it in and be a team player.:smile:
Here goes
"Stepping out of your cumfort zone"
This basicaly means that your boss or managment want you to take on extra tasks for wich you have absolutley no training and is to be found nowhere in your job discription. For doing this you will receive no extra pay but it may help when pay review time comes around. The tasks given will usualy be lower managment type tasks, but it works out much more cost effective to get a lower payed member of staff to do. This will also free up managment time to develope even more riveting power point presentations and flow charts.
It can also be linked in with "employee led learning/development" and this basicly means your on your own kiddo,suck it in and be a team player.:smile:
Post edited by 1980-20.. on
Comments
Myself & my manager spend many hours laughing at that - to the point where we dared each other to come up with something better in a meeting.
I won, and got a verbal warning with...
'lets throw this whore on her back and see who f**ks her'
PS - the same guy that came up with it also turned up to a meeting late and apologised because he was busy clearing the snow off his managers windscreen. His manager looked really embarrassed as he had no idea lol.
This means firing half your workforce and getting the other half to do two jobs for the same money. They will do this because they are scared of losing their jobs after you just fired half the workforce.
There should be a word for what BA did as well, but I can't think of one right now.
It wasn't the snow clearing that held him up, it was clearing the brown stuff off his tongue that did it.
We used to have fun in serious meetings (during audits in the main) seeing if we could work in certain words, such as "aardvark".
There's even a bar graph in the break room showing the profit margins for our store, not based upon quarterly sales but based upon friendliness? Complete inane insanity!
How the hell can you measure friendliness, and more to the point with the misrable sods I work with how the hell can we be making quota for profit sharing (which incidentally being the last quarter of the year I bet drops just below the target line, so us grunts don't get our cut)? They walk around the place with faces like smacked arses and do the best to avoid customers, not help them. Although I'll admit I never approach a customer and ask "Do you need any help?" I hate it when people do that to me, ever since I was a kid I've always interpreted "Do you need any help" as "I'm watching you, so don't think about nicking anything!".
If I need a member of staff to help me when I'm out and about shopping I'll bloody well approach them and ask for help.
My experience is that all it leads to, is the employees competing in reporting small and unsignificant issues, and each other, just to get a smiley on their record.
We all know that it should rather be: "Money talks".
Learning walks = coming into your classroom unannounced and checking up whether your behaviour management is up to scratch
Widening of the curriculum = introducing piss easy vocational courses which are coursework based to increase the pass rate to make managers look good
Independent learning = not writing the coursework for the kids
I 'Rollout' and 'Deliver' stuff (what I don't know)
this is incredibly 'employee led training'
Not sure what its been replaced with though.
mind mapping
There are 3 kinds of people: -
Those that think inside the box
Those that think outside the box
Those that are not even aware there is a box...
Because we might offend elpileptics, I know. :mad:
I am a former epileptic and personally I'm offended that someone might think I was offended by the term Brain Storming which is not at all offencive to elpileptics.
If someone ever did complain they were just rocking the boat.
I also hate shops that call their staff store collegues or assosiate team members. There blody sales assistants and that's it! (I'm a stockfile controller myself :-P ).
we pretty much work in accronyms all the time so it can get pretty confusing but it saves loads of time.
imagine answering the phone and saying 'hello, south west yorkshire mental health trust' everyday. it'd drive you mad. so when dealing with them people just say swimit.
Surely swimhut would make more sence.
"Hello I'm Mile and welcome to swim hut"
Another one they use if they are 'Changing the game'. I haven't seen anying change, and the telecoms industry is not a 'game'.
the worlds worst word.
or in normal speak
s**t flow downhill and I can't arsed to do it myself
My wife is a lecturer and they teach people to value individualty and diversity. Except that she's been asked to tone down her pink hair and cover her tattoos up.