› ›

un-wanted visitor

milemile
edited September 2010 in Chit chat
Mr brown dropped by on saturday he's still here. ive tried everything to get rid of him.

someone is popping round on wednesday, i don't want them to see him

do you have any tips to get rid of him?

he's been a few time in the past, and ive just left him and he's gone on his own. i don't really like physically pushing him out as you can imagine.
Post edited by mile on
«13

Comments

  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    It`s Official be kind to tramps week, so just leave him there and throw a sheet over him when the visitor comes !:smile: ????????????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • madmekonmadmekon
    edited September 2010
    You could take him to the golf course in a thunder storm.
    It worked for Father Ted :)
    I'm a 21st Century digital boy, I don't know how to live but I've got a lot of toys.
  • psj3809psj3809
    edited September 2010
    Is this some strange innuendo type of joke/story ?!
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    madmekon wrote: »
    You could take him to the golf course in a thunder storm.
    It worked for Father Ted :)

    he's quite an unstable character, so that might not work.
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    psj3809 wrote: »
    Is this some strange innuendo type of joke/story ?!

    Yup, Mile has an upset tummy, and is scared that on Wednesday, he may follow through and introduce his guest to " Mr Brown ".;)

    Either that or Gordon Brown is stalking him again !
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    grey key wrote: »
    It`s Official be kind to tramps week, so just leave him there and throw a sheet over him when the visitor comes !:smile: ????????????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    yeah i could but he smells a bit.
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    mile wrote: »
    yeah i could but he smells a bit.

    Just blame the smell on the fact that you have just dumped in your pants;)
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • Scottie_ukScottie_uk
    edited September 2010
    I'd recommend this as you can tap off any unwanted gas and use it for cooking or to heat your home. I think you may even be able power diesel cars off of it, if you retain the juice.

    bung-airlock-home-brew.jpeg?1266241176
    Calling all ASCII Art Architects Visit the WOS Wall of Text and contribute: https://www.yourworldoftext.com/wos
  • psj3809psj3809
    edited September 2010
    grey key wrote: »
    Yup, Mile has an upset tummy, and is scared that on Wednesday, he may follow through and introduce his guest to " Mr Brown ".;)

    Either that or Gordon Brown is stalking him again !

    Thought that was the case but i wasnt quite sure ! I thought surely even Miles wouldnt start a topic on WOS about having dodgy guts and what to do!
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    I`m currently listening to Johnny Cash - The Ring Of Fire,

    whoops wrong thread;)
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    To avoid Mr Brown in the future avoid the ATM...and I don't mean the bank.
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    To avoid Mr Brown in the future avoid the ATM...and I don't mean the bank.

    Yes its like any music mag, mostly carp, and you cant wipe your bum with them.;)
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    Not the mag either..
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    i don't have the shits.

    just a massive turd in my toilet the size of a baby's arm (or a porn stars cock) that wont go away.

    i stabbed it with 5 or 6 ear buds, but they kinda acted as a sail for it.

    i managed to get it under the water line.

    question is, i can feel another building up, should i send it down too? or plop it at work and avoid a shitastrophy?
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    this has turned into a game of " give us a clue "

    Mile just use your hand......................., oh no this is turning into a carry on sketch !

    Why not launch the second submarine out of your window ?

    Wait till the cotton buds half fill with water, it looks like the Hawian rowing team in a canoe, not that I would know anything about that, of course !
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    You are not mashing enough, you need a toilet brush to really break it up...the downside is you then have to flush a further 3-4 times while you wash the turd pieces off the brush...OR if you have a live in partner just put it back and let them clean it.

    Mine are always 2 flushers or more.....just gotta break their back and send them on their way.

    Eat more meat and cheese and less of that veggie crap and you'll get more practice.

    I change my toilet brush out every 2 months or so due to heavy use...worth it though.
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited September 2010
    psj3809 wrote: »
    Thought that was the case but i wasnt quite sure ! I thought surely even Miles wouldnt start a topic on WOS about having dodgy guts and what to do!

    Not remember his thread about explosive squits after eating a kebab?
    mile wrote: »
    i stabbed it with 5 or 6 ear buds, but they kinda acted as a sail for it.

    Bastard! :mad:

    Now I have to clean the sprayed pop off my desk and keyboard, and it came out of my nose as well :lol:
    Every night is curry night!
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    You are not mashing enough, you need a toilet brush to really break it up...the downside is you then have to flush a further 3-4 times while you wash the turd pieces off the brush...OR if you have a live in partner just put it back and let them clean it.

    Mine are always 2 flushers or more.....just gotta break their back and send them on their way.

    Eat more meat and cheese and less of that veggie crap and you'll get more practice.

    I change my toilet brush out every 2 months or so due to heavy use...worth it though.

    i don't want to use the toilet brush, last time i did that i was nearly sick

    anyway i googled it, but found this funny question

    apparently modern women are all about sex and the city.

    http://www.todaysmodernwoman.com/Cleaning-Laundry/145204.htm
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    The enzymes in your vomit will aid the breaking down process...so use the brush.

    If you really are a wuss buy a bottle of drain cleaner...that will melt it while you're at the shops.
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    The enzymes in your vomit will aid the breaking down process...so use the brush.

    If you really are a wuss buy a bottle of drain cleaner...that will melt it while your at the shops.

    being sick on it is not an option.

    i cant really afford drain cleaner?

    isn't there a cheap alternative like vinegar or coke.

    trinny and suzanne must have come across this before.
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    dm_boozefreek wrote: »


    Bastard! :mad:

    Now I have to clean the sprayed poop off my desk and keyboard, and it came out of my nose as well :lol:

    Sprayed poop...sounds like you've had too many veggies too.
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    If all else fails get a ziplock bag inside out.....pick it up through the bag, turn it right side out and seal. Problem solved.

    Bonus is you then have a poop-in-a-bag bio weapon that can be deployed on any annoying neighbors.
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    If all else fails get a ziplock bag inside out.....pick it up through the bag, turn it right side out and seal. Problem solved.

    Bonus is you then have a poop-in-a-bag bio weapon that can be deployed on any annoying neighbors.

    i was thinking of those hard bread sticks. give it a few jabs then drop the stick in the toilet.

    its not like i dont have toold to break it, but i dont want to have to smell the shit on them or have to clean it off.
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    Sprayed poop...sounds like you've had too many veggies too.

    Shut up!

    I ****in' love pies n' stuff me! :D

    Not too keen on the auld cheese though, burgers, pizza, and chilli topping is about as adventurous as I am with cheese, maybe the odd nacho every now and then if I'm feeling daring.
    Every night is curry night!
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    mile wrote: »
    i was thinking of those hard bread sticks. give it a few jabs then drop the stick in the toilet.

    its not like i dont have tools to break it, but i dont want to have to smell the shit on them or have to clean it off.

    I used to share a mess hut with a few people for tea breaks, one day the toilet cleaner came in shouting and swearing about some dirty bas**** who had left a large deposit down one of his bowls. Before he left to remove it he picked up the butter knife from the table. He returned a while later, less angry as he had eventually removed it, he was wiping the butter knife on an old oily rag. Before anyone says he was joking, I never once saw him laugh or smile, in all of the years I was there.
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited September 2010
    So did you get a new knife then? :D
    Every night is curry night!
  • beanzbeanz
    edited September 2010
    mile wrote: »
    i was thinking of those hard bread sticks. give it a few jabs then drop the stick in the toilet.

    its not like i dont have toold to break it, but i dont want to have to smell the shit on them or have to clean it off.

    So let me get this straight...not content with giving the thing some cotton bud sails, now you want to give it breadstick oars as well...
  • milemile
    edited September 2010
    beanz wrote: »
    So let me get this straight...not content with giving the thing some cotton bud sails, now you want to give it breadstick oars as well...

    well the ear buds were meant to chop it in half, that why i had 6 of them in one hand, fanned out.

    but as i put them in my fingers went into the toilet water so i abandond them.

    the think about those bread sticks (grissini i think they are called) they have the length and the strength.

    although i am not sure they will disolve quicky as they are quite solid.
  • grey keygrey key
    edited September 2010
    dm_boozefreek wrote: »
    So did you get a new knife then? :D

    No, we all took our own sandwiches after that !:smile:
    Every time I read that the oldest person in the world has died, I have to do a quick check to see it isn't ME..........
  • dm_boozefreekdm_boozefreek
    edited September 2010
    Sounds like a definite contender for rate my poo.com
    Every night is curry night!
Sign In or Register to comment.