Brown Christmas

edited December 2010 in Chit chat
Hi festive frolickers. I have a sticky situation that might get stickier if I don't solve it. Basically due to the severe cold, I have no water in my flat. Of course, that also means no toilet. I get round the problem of taking a pee by just doing it in a bottle and pouring it down the drain, but do you have any suggestions as to what would be the best way to take a shit? I'm touching cloth over here and I don't know what to do. Actually, I'm going over to my parents for christmas dinner, but I've still got the problem of no water, so any ideas how best to do a shit in a flat without a working toilet?
Post edited by Spector on
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Comments

  • edited December 2010
    Buy some cat litter and a tray.

    Every time you need to take an Eartha, you can just bury it for the time being and then empty it once every day or 2.

    ...OH! Tell the bin man you have a big cat, a REALLY BIG cat!!

    :grin:
  • edited December 2010
    Any public toilets in reasonable walking distance?

    Failing that, maybe an empty Pringles tube? At least you can put a lid on it that way..
  • edited December 2010
    Nothing that near to be honest. Maybe an old pot, and I can chuck it in a bag before throwing it in the bin?
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  • edited December 2010
    1. Take 1 newspaper.
    2. Place in bath covering target area.
    3. Climb into bath and squat over newspaper aligning yourself correctly.
    4. Do your business.
    5. Clean up both yourself and the deposit.
    6. Place deposit in multiple tied bags for disposal.

    Tried and tested!
  • edited December 2010
    No decent pubs near you?
  • edited December 2010
    Bandit wrote: »
    6. Place deposit in multiple tied bags for disposal.

    Tried and tested!


    Don't be silly, hows it gonna burst apart when it lands with multiple bags?, and you forgot to advise where to throw it :D
  • edited December 2010
    I have the same problem here - all but the kitchen cold tap stopped working until yesterday afternoon. Now just the toilet doesn't work.
    Anyway, the drain is unlikely to be frozen blocked due to it being 256 times bigger than the water pipe, so I expect your only problem is not getting water into the cystern so you can flush the toilet. Fill up a bucket from a working tap and use that. Note, don't pour the water into the pan, dump it in - even betterer, fill up the cystern with the bucket and then use the normal flush mechanism.
  • edited December 2010
    jgharston wrote: »
    I have the same problem here - all but the kitchen cold tap stopped working until yesterday afternoon. Now just the toilet doesn't work.
    Anyway, the drain is unlikely to be frozen blocked due to it being 256 times bigger than the water pipe, so I expect your only problem is not getting water into the cystern so you can flush the toilet. Fill up a bucket from a working tap and use that. Note, don't pour the water into the pan, dump it in - even betterer, fill up the cystern with the bucket and then use the normal flush mechanism.

    I think you may be too late, he's probably squatting in the bath as we speak.. :-P
  • edited December 2010
    is it just a case of the cistern not refilling, can you get a bucket or two of water from place to flush the loo with
  • edited December 2010
    A perfectly valid question, but when I saw the title I thought someone had given you a C64 as a gift.
  • edited December 2010
    Snow ... don't you guys have tonnes of it out there by now? :lol:

    If you have absolutely no running water in your house, then get several bucketfuls of snow, melt it, then pour it in the tank of your toilet and flush like regular ... just make sure you have enough water to fill the tank (and again, and again, and again). And make sure it's clean snow as you don't want funky deposit in yer pipes ... not that there is a big chance of that happening anywho.

    Happy Poopin'!
  • edited December 2010
    ZnorXman wrote: »
    Snow ... don't you guys have tonnes of it out there by now? :lol:

    If you have absolutely no running water in your house, then get several bucketfuls of snow, melt it, then pour it in the tank of your toilet and flush like regular ... just make sure you have enough water to fill the tank (and again, and again, and again). And make sure it's clean snow as you don't want funky deposit in yer pipes ... not that there is a big chance of that happening anywho.

    Happy Poopin'!

    Sure there's not much chance of that with all the frigging grit meshed into it!

    None of my taps are working, so I need to get water from elsewhere, and it just ain't practical. I never thought I would have to say this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to use a Commode.
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  • edited December 2010
    use diet coke, shake the bottle up first, and it will pressure wash the loo
  • edited December 2010
    my advice would be into a newspaper and just wrap the little fella up and throw it somewhere.

    you could just throw it down the drain, there should be a manhole near or on your property.
  • edited December 2010
    buy some adult nappies, and pay for a special type of visiting escort
  • CozCoz
    edited December 2010
    go down to the local aldi or lidl and buy 400 litre of cheap lemonade for ?5 pour it into the cistern and flush only solids, there won't be a problem with fizzing up as it's cheap nasty lemonade, failing that, turn the heating on you misrable git
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