wow!, make I take this opportunity to thank every one who has posted.
Didn't expect this kind of response
I want to get better for the sake of my relationship and child (I love them so much), I think to myself do I really me to be a "weekend dad".
I want a stable upbringing for my little lad.
My mrs puts up with a lot of crap from me, and she is golden...
I do want to change, and know I can but then I feel ok, and then Im happy, think to myself "I got a decent job, car, flat...no debts, little man...life should be good"..
Then I'm ok for around 2 to 4 weeks and then I start feeling down again :(
I lost some really nice job after some frantic struggle to keep it.
My mother died last year after a long devastating illness happening on my eyes.
At the time I was doing some courses to improve my eductiation - hard stuff, lots of math. Everything went well before but when things started collapsing it collapsed too. I started getting E-s for exams, lost motivation.
The wife, unhappy with the events and my moods started making quarrels. Okay, I wasn't always nice too ;)
Now things are getting better but are still far from desired.
But I never considered suicide as an option. You leave this world but you also leave your close ones in suffering, alone and without your support
And you can never be sure that there won't be suffering after death ;) Judging from the earlier threads most of you guys here aren't very religious but can you say for sure that there isn't any afterlife?
But I never considered suicide as an option. You leave this world but you also leave your close ones in suffering, alone and without your support
Yep, that's what's always kept me from having those thoughts when I've suffered with depression. One of my cousins committed suicide, and after seeing what it did to the family I could never bring myself to put them through that.
Yep, that's what's always kept me from having those thoughts when I've suffered with depression. One of my cousins committed suicide, and after seeing what it did to the family I could never bring myself to put them through that.
Ditto...my sister's boyfriend and father of my nephew committed suicide, and that has left a massive scar on the family that'll probably never heal...It wasn't just one life that he destroyed when the poor bloke decided for whatever reason to go for a walk with his shotgun, and not just immediate family's lives either...there was the poor sod that found him and all the people who had to deal with the aftermath too...because of that I could never contemplate suicide....
But yeah, I think most guys suffer depression at some point in their lives..can't speak for girls obviously,...I do have a lot of guy mates who have also confessed to be being really low at times though!
I'd just like to mention as well that drugs aren't always the best option though..in fact in some people they can make the situation a lot worse and actually add to depression, but if this is going to happen you can usually tell within the first few days apparently ...so if you're on pills and start sliding into despair, obviously wise to see your GP sharpish!
It is worth noting that you are far from alone though...I remember when I was really depressed a couple of years back thinking that I was probably a bit of a freak for feeling so crappy when things weren't actually all that bad, and then I discovered that my best mate was on medication for depression, and then another mate popped up and said he was depressed too. Taking the piss out of the situation after that probably helped a lot actually..saying stuff like.."Christ, look at the 3 of us....quick, destroy all your Radiohead albums!" and stuff like that... :lol:
Had glandular fever at 18, developed into clinical depression. I hatched a plan to kill myself on Christmas Eve so my family would remember me every Christmas. Got help, thankfully. Still here.
Over the next 24 years I've had another 3 relapses. Every time I went to the doctors and put faith in them. Medication helps. Counselling helps.
Drinking and drugs don't really help (especially when on medication) although you do get p***ed quicker :-)
Never be ashamed of your illness.
It's hard to express what I truly feel because I don't have a wife or children (and maybe because of my history I wouldn't want that burden on them).
Some of you that have posted DO have that. Something to live for.
I do want to change, and know I can but then I feel ok, and then Im happy, think to myself "I got a decent job, car, flat...no debts, little man...life should be good"..
It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, it has nothing to do with whether or not you should feel happy. Once you accept that fact, it's a lot easier to stop blaming yourself for how you feel and that's the first step to getting better.
And you can never be sure that there won't be suffering after death ;) Judging from the earlier threads most of you guys here aren't very religious but can you say for sure that there isn't any afterlife?
To be honest, when you hit that point it no longer matters. You simply want out of your current situation. It's not so much choosing a path that has no suffering, it's opting for one that is just 'something else'
Depression seems to be more popular than people would believe.
I too was recently touched by depression and still frequently am. At the time it should have been a high point in my life and career. A time when I should have been filled with extensive optimism. I'd completed my PhD, and has been studying for the past 11 years, first an access course, then BSc degree, and finally a PhD. It was like for 11 years my life was on the up and up, and finally when I got to the summit, I realised I was at the bottom of another climb.
I has this overwhelming feeling that all my study was going to amount to nothing, that I'd peaked, a that somehow I didn't deserve my achievements and would get found out as an un-intelligent fool who got lucky and be ridiculed amongst the academic community, and that if I didn't keep up the same momentum that I'd be missing the boat, I'd atrophy and that all my study would be meaningless.
Even in my new job, I love it dearly but I get this horrible pang, that everyone else is in control of their careers and going places, and I am not (even when comparing myself to jnr staff members). I get a terrible fear of failure, or missing the boat, or that I'm not making the most out of my career. It's horrible.
Maybe the expectations of the modern world are to high for anyone to be completely satisfied with their career fulfilments.
Maybe the expectations of the modern world are to high for anyone to be completely satisfied with their career fulfilments.
I think that's true but also not just career-wise, life-wise, too, and for some people it's not the modern worlds expectations but their own.
If my life was on paper, anybody else looking at it would think that everything was nigh on perfect - I had a son, a wife, job security with a comfortable salary, a top-floor flat, a car....yet I was so desperately unhappy and had been for a couple of years that eventually it took it's toll.
Let's be frank, here. I'm still not happy and don't have an idea what will. For once in my life I don't have a plan. I have never been so creative than I am now (and that's on anti-depressants, for those that think they may take away your personality!) and believe I am producing some of my best ever work. I'd gladly trade it all in, however, if it meant being happy.
There is one thing, though. I think I can see what priorities in life are...well, mine, at least. Money is not something I strive for. I don't care for my job, it is a means to an end and I turn up, do what I have to do, no more, no less. In fact, in only ever give a max of 60% of "me" in my job now as it's no different than when I gave 100% and more through pay-rises and perks and from what I saw co-workers doing (less effort than what I was doing but still getting the same things I was getting). You learn from that.
I've also realised to cut through the bull****, something, I must admit, that sometimes doesn't go down to well..but if I think something is stupid, then I will at least say so.
As I posted this up on Amibay lastnight I can post it here too and i know what most people are going through.
I have suffered with it for almost 6 years now and even though I take tabs for it sometimes i have to find other ways of sorting myself out.
When i do have a bad day no one can talk to me as i tend to snap and think they are having a go at me.
I dont know why the wife have stuck with me through all of this as i know i am not a very nice person when i am like this.
A few years back i was given the wrong medication for it and it was making me nasty as all hell. Then the one night i cracked when 1 of my boys tipped water over his bed by accedent. I threw him on to his bed in a flash of anger and once i did that i seen what i did i picked him up and higged him for at least an hour crying with my son.
I came down stairs and the wife knew something went down so i told her. Next thing i knew was i was waking up with 2 coppers either side of me and i wasw arrested and rightly so.
This was the first time i had ever got arrested or even in trouble with the law so spending almost 13 hours in a cell was more than a wake up call to me to sort myself out.
Once out i did get the right medication but i spent almost 2 weeks away from home and lived in my dads house. Once I moved it with the new tabs kicking in i was ok but as i said at the top of this post i have other ways of sorting it if the tabs dont work.
I dunno who people will look at this but i just had to write it down and get it off my chest as i always live my life as an open book.
I have never been so creative than I am now (and that's on anti-depressants, for those that think they may take away your personality!)
I think it depends enormously on which anti-depressants they are. Also everyone responds differently to different types, so if you aren't getting on well with a particular drug your GP should try you on something else.
I was on fluoxetine (aka Prozac) for a bit and that really numbed my mind. It cut out the depression but I just bumbled through life like a zombie not engaging with anything and not bothering to get out of bed or eat etc. I came off those and am now on sertraline hydrochloride which I'm getting on much better with.
thankfully never suffered with anything like this, but deal with those who do through work and social life etc and by and large I think it comes down to talking it out and then...something inside them needs to click to come out of it, meds help short term but I think it boils down to working through things and having support
fair play for sharing that morcar... sounds like you're on top of it now whatever it was. seems to me like depression can come from pretty much any angle. I don't entirely subscribe to the all encompassing theory of 'chemical imbalance' simply because I know the basis of my depression (or at least 'depressed phase') was directly linked to certain events which occurred when I was growing up. of course it could be a combination of events + chemical imbalance in some cases maybe...
talking about it always helps i find, when i had problems at work i went to see one of the union members for a chat, after i got everything off my chest i instantly felt great, it never really solved the problems, but th problems seemed to not bother me as much as i could face them and not care as much.
fair play for sharing that morcar... sounds like you're on top of it now whatever it was. seems to me like depression can come from pretty much any angle. I don't entirely subscribe to the all encompassing theory of 'chemical imbalance' simply because I know the basis of my depression (or at least 'depressed phase') was directly linked to certain events which occurred when I was growing up. of course it could be a combination of events + chemical imbalance in some cases maybe...
Problem with me was when we had our first child i did everything and no alarm bells rang pointing to my wife having postnatal it took until she had her third when things went off the rails.
I would cook clean and do everything with the children and she would just sit there throwing insults at me.
I've also realised to cut through the bull****, something, I must admit, that sometimes doesn't go down to well..but if I think something is stupid, then I will at least say so.
That's also one source of depression for me. I see people who are less technically proficient and knowledgeable than myself, armed with technobable (often misplaced), jazz hands and a confident gentleness yet aggressive ambition seem to be making very successful careers, leaving me wonder what the big secret is.
I hate red tape, or mysterious rules bull****, especially when it exists only to give someone else importance, or credit where it is not due (ambitious middle management).
That's also one source of depression for me. I see people who are less technically proficient and knowledgeable than myself, armed with technobable (often misplaced), jazz hands and a confident gentleness yet aggressive ambition seem to be making very successful careers, leaving me wonder what the big secret is.
I hate red tape, or mysterious rules bull****, especially when it exists only to give someone else importance, or credit where it is not due (ambitious middle management).
I think a large of part what you are seeing is the frustration of being a techie. We don't like to bull****. Sales always talk ******** and sometimes I can see a trainwreck heading my way from the sales bs. I've emailed saying "you didn't promise x y z, did you as you know that can't be done" - "no we haven't" "can you do x y z as we promised the customer" <sigh> "eff off I told you that wasn't possible, now go and tell the customer you slimy sales tommy tanker"
Happens quite a lot. I don't know if you just need to be dumb to lie to customers (=being in sales in my experience) or what but it happens in pretty much every place I have worked.
It's always fun to ask a PC sales person loads of really obscure questions and ask them so if I sub this part for this part and then remove this part completely, and I don't want this software installed because it's f**king useless and will do more harm than good.
....and can I have it in a big big carrier bag with a smiley on it that says have a nice day :D
Funny if you know what you want watch them crumble...haha watch them crumble.
Although Ironically you tell them everything you want and don't want, and after throwing up from the pressure of dealing with somebody who knows what they want, and mopping the cold sweat off their brows, they still try to sell you an Iomega Zip Drive :lol:
The mistake is to see the occasional lucky bullsh*tter and not all the crap wash-outs. These people look at the likes of Alan Sugar and think acting like a gabby barrow-boy is the key to success. It's easy to overlook the importance of a keen understanding of costs and sourcing ideas to running a business. These people are also on a series of highs and lows and keep very quiet when their business is on a low. If you're prone to bouts of low esteem it's definitely not the job for you.
And also don't underestimate the effectiveness of good management - when it is purely left to engineers you get technically impressive solutions that don't do anything like what the customer expects. And good sales will sell your strengths to a customer, giving them good grounds to dismiss the bullsh*t offered up by the competition. If you mislead a customer, you might get one sale but you won't get another.
It's always fun to ask a PC sales person loads of really obscure questions and ask them so if I sub this part for this part and then remove this part completely, and I don't want this software installed because it's f**king useless and will do more harm than good.
That's also one source of depression for me. I see people who are less technically proficient and knowledgeable than myself, armed with technobable (often misplaced), jazz hands and a confident gentleness yet aggressive ambition seem to be making very successful careers, leaving me wonder what the big secret is.
From a song by Cat Stevens:
"I know a lot of fancy dancers,
people who can glide you on a floor,
They move so smooth but have no answers."
Which is no problem for 'them' because they see (feel) no questions. I'm afraid that's the whole secret.
I am a PC sales/service person who does alright without having to use BS. I have good sales and loyal customers who won't let anyone service their computers but me. I know there are a lot of dishonest people out there, but it saddens me when I see that people like to make fun of anyone who has a job where sales of attachments or extras are the only way to make a profit. If you're cheap buy online. Don't waste the the time of sales people. Don't go to stores just to use them as showrooms where you can see things in person or pick someone's brain because you're too lazy to do your research. Use Google. Sales people have to put bread on their tables and have families too.
You've never been to PC World in the UK, have you?
If someone's idea of staff training is how to read the shelf label back to the customer, mis-represent and refute statute law protecting consumers' rights and up-sell wholly unnecesary extended warranty terms then they pretty much deserve everything they get. How this group is still in business baffles me every day.
Aye I was actually using PC world as a basis for my ranting :D
Best Buy is the US equivalent, the staff there can be quite pushy with trying to sell you something you really don't need, but they're still nowhere near as much of a bunch of vultures as PC World.
Comments
Didn't expect this kind of response
I want to get better for the sake of my relationship and child (I love them so much), I think to myself do I really me to be a "weekend dad".
I want a stable upbringing for my little lad.
My mrs puts up with a lot of crap from me, and she is golden...
I do want to change, and know I can but then I feel ok, and then Im happy, think to myself "I got a decent job, car, flat...no debts, little man...life should be good"..
Then I'm ok for around 2 to 4 weeks and then I start feeling down again :(
I had a tough time in recent 2 years.
I lost some really nice job after some frantic struggle to keep it.
My mother died last year after a long devastating illness happening on my eyes.
At the time I was doing some courses to improve my eductiation - hard stuff, lots of math. Everything went well before but when things started collapsing it collapsed too. I started getting E-s for exams, lost motivation.
The wife, unhappy with the events and my moods started making quarrels. Okay, I wasn't always nice too ;)
Now things are getting better but are still far from desired.
But I never considered suicide as an option. You leave this world but you also leave your close ones in suffering, alone and without your support
And you can never be sure that there won't be suffering after death ;) Judging from the earlier threads most of you guys here aren't very religious but can you say for sure that there isn't any afterlife?
Yep, that's what's always kept me from having those thoughts when I've suffered with depression. One of my cousins committed suicide, and after seeing what it did to the family I could never bring myself to put them through that.
Ditto...my sister's boyfriend and father of my nephew committed suicide, and that has left a massive scar on the family that'll probably never heal...It wasn't just one life that he destroyed when the poor bloke decided for whatever reason to go for a walk with his shotgun, and not just immediate family's lives either...there was the poor sod that found him and all the people who had to deal with the aftermath too...because of that I could never contemplate suicide....
But yeah, I think most guys suffer depression at some point in their lives..can't speak for girls obviously,...I do have a lot of guy mates who have also confessed to be being really low at times though!
I'd just like to mention as well that drugs aren't always the best option though..in fact in some people they can make the situation a lot worse and actually add to depression, but if this is going to happen you can usually tell within the first few days apparently ...so if you're on pills and start sliding into despair, obviously wise to see your GP sharpish!
It is worth noting that you are far from alone though...I remember when I was really depressed a couple of years back thinking that I was probably a bit of a freak for feeling so crappy when things weren't actually all that bad, and then I discovered that my best mate was on medication for depression, and then another mate popped up and said he was depressed too. Taking the piss out of the situation after that probably helped a lot actually..saying stuff like.."Christ, look at the 3 of us....quick, destroy all your Radiohead albums!" and stuff like that... :lol:
Had glandular fever at 18, developed into clinical depression. I hatched a plan to kill myself on Christmas Eve so my family would remember me every Christmas. Got help, thankfully. Still here.
Over the next 24 years I've had another 3 relapses. Every time I went to the doctors and put faith in them. Medication helps. Counselling helps.
Drinking and drugs don't really help (especially when on medication) although you do get p***ed quicker :-)
Never be ashamed of your illness.
It's hard to express what I truly feel because I don't have a wife or children (and maybe because of my history I wouldn't want that burden on them).
Some of you that have posted DO have that. Something to live for.
And die for.
It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, it has nothing to do with whether or not you should feel happy. Once you accept that fact, it's a lot easier to stop blaming yourself for how you feel and that's the first step to getting better.
To be honest, when you hit that point it no longer matters. You simply want out of your current situation. It's not so much choosing a path that has no suffering, it's opting for one that is just 'something else'
I too was recently touched by depression and still frequently am. At the time it should have been a high point in my life and career. A time when I should have been filled with extensive optimism. I'd completed my PhD, and has been studying for the past 11 years, first an access course, then BSc degree, and finally a PhD. It was like for 11 years my life was on the up and up, and finally when I got to the summit, I realised I was at the bottom of another climb.
I has this overwhelming feeling that all my study was going to amount to nothing, that I'd peaked, a that somehow I didn't deserve my achievements and would get found out as an un-intelligent fool who got lucky and be ridiculed amongst the academic community, and that if I didn't keep up the same momentum that I'd be missing the boat, I'd atrophy and that all my study would be meaningless.
Even in my new job, I love it dearly but I get this horrible pang, that everyone else is in control of their careers and going places, and I am not (even when comparing myself to jnr staff members). I get a terrible fear of failure, or missing the boat, or that I'm not making the most out of my career. It's horrible.
Maybe the expectations of the modern world are to high for anyone to be completely satisfied with their career fulfilments.
:o
I know what you mean really ;)
Depression affects around 1 in 5 people at some point in their life, it's just one of those things that no-one talks about.
If my life was on paper, anybody else looking at it would think that everything was nigh on perfect - I had a son, a wife, job security with a comfortable salary, a top-floor flat, a car....yet I was so desperately unhappy and had been for a couple of years that eventually it took it's toll.
Let's be frank, here. I'm still not happy and don't have an idea what will. For once in my life I don't have a plan. I have never been so creative than I am now (and that's on anti-depressants, for those that think they may take away your personality!) and believe I am producing some of my best ever work. I'd gladly trade it all in, however, if it meant being happy.
There is one thing, though. I think I can see what priorities in life are...well, mine, at least. Money is not something I strive for. I don't care for my job, it is a means to an end and I turn up, do what I have to do, no more, no less. In fact, in only ever give a max of 60% of "me" in my job now as it's no different than when I gave 100% and more through pay-rises and perks and from what I saw co-workers doing (less effort than what I was doing but still getting the same things I was getting). You learn from that.
I've also realised to cut through the bull****, something, I must admit, that sometimes doesn't go down to well..but if I think something is stupid, then I will at least say so.
I have suffered with it for almost 6 years now and even though I take tabs for it sometimes i have to find other ways of sorting myself out.
When i do have a bad day no one can talk to me as i tend to snap and think they are having a go at me.
I dont know why the wife have stuck with me through all of this as i know i am not a very nice person when i am like this.
A few years back i was given the wrong medication for it and it was making me nasty as all hell. Then the one night i cracked when 1 of my boys tipped water over his bed by accedent. I threw him on to his bed in a flash of anger and once i did that i seen what i did i picked him up and higged him for at least an hour crying with my son.
I came down stairs and the wife knew something went down so i told her. Next thing i knew was i was waking up with 2 coppers either side of me and i wasw arrested and rightly so.
This was the first time i had ever got arrested or even in trouble with the law so spending almost 13 hours in a cell was more than a wake up call to me to sort myself out.
Once out i did get the right medication but i spent almost 2 weeks away from home and lived in my dads house. Once I moved it with the new tabs kicking in i was ok but as i said at the top of this post i have other ways of sorting it if the tabs dont work.
I dunno who people will look at this but i just had to write it down and get it off my chest as i always live my life as an open book.
I think it depends enormously on which anti-depressants they are. Also everyone responds differently to different types, so if you aren't getting on well with a particular drug your GP should try you on something else.
I was on fluoxetine (aka Prozac) for a bit and that really numbed my mind. It cut out the depression but I just bumbled through life like a zombie not engaging with anything and not bothering to get out of bed or eat etc. I came off those and am now on sertraline hydrochloride which I'm getting on much better with.
Do we have a mind, or are all our thoughts simply responses to a combination of electrochemical stimuli? :D
and always a fave.
Problem with me was when we had our first child i did everything and no alarm bells rang pointing to my wife having postnatal it took until she had her third when things went off the rails.
I would cook clean and do everything with the children and she would just sit there throwing insults at me.
That's also one source of depression for me. I see people who are less technically proficient and knowledgeable than myself, armed with technobable (often misplaced), jazz hands and a confident gentleness yet aggressive ambition seem to be making very successful careers, leaving me wonder what the big secret is.
I hate red tape, or mysterious rules bull****, especially when it exists only to give someone else importance, or credit where it is not due (ambitious middle management).
I think a large of part what you are seeing is the frustration of being a techie. We don't like to bull****. Sales always talk ******** and sometimes I can see a trainwreck heading my way from the sales bs. I've emailed saying "you didn't promise x y z, did you as you know that can't be done" - "no we haven't" "can you do x y z as we promised the customer" <sigh> "eff off I told you that wasn't possible, now go and tell the customer you slimy sales tommy tanker"
Happens quite a lot. I don't know if you just need to be dumb to lie to customers (=being in sales in my experience) or what but it happens in pretty much every place I have worked.
....and can I have it in a big big carrier bag with a smiley on it that says have a nice day :D
Funny if you know what you want watch them crumble...haha watch them crumble.
Although Ironically you tell them everything you want and don't want, and after throwing up from the pressure of dealing with somebody who knows what they want, and mopping the cold sweat off their brows, they still try to sell you an Iomega Zip Drive :lol:
And also don't underestimate the effectiveness of good management - when it is purely left to engineers you get technically impressive solutions that don't do anything like what the customer expects. And good sales will sell your strengths to a customer, giving them good grounds to dismiss the bullsh*t offered up by the competition. If you mislead a customer, you might get one sale but you won't get another.
- IONIAN-GAMES.com -
That just reminded me of Stan in Monkey Island...
"Let's talk extras!"
"I know a lot of fancy dancers,
people who can glide you on a floor,
They move so smooth but have no answers."
Which is no problem for 'them' because they see (feel) no questions. I'm afraid that's the whole secret.
That's quite deep, I like it.
Off to work now.
If someone's idea of staff training is how to read the shelf label back to the customer, mis-represent and refute statute law protecting consumers' rights and up-sell wholly unnecesary extended warranty terms then they pretty much deserve everything they get. How this group is still in business baffles me every day.
- IONIAN-GAMES.com -
Bunch of mouth breathers. Avoid!
Aye I was actually using PC world as a basis for my ranting :D
Best Buy is the US equivalent, the staff there can be quite pushy with trying to sell you something you really don't need, but they're still nowhere near as much of a bunch of vultures as PC World.