bite your lip moments

fog · September 2012

not sure if it's done before so I'll post (and if it has #1 searchologist will tell me , no doubt)

here's a recent (and true) example that happened the other day...

at work the other day...a woman with a sweatshirt on, "will you catch me if I fall" .. this woman was easily 20+ stone...

in my mind I thought to say , "luckily we have a fork lift out the back for such problems" .. but obviously couldn't say it

I guess where that's where a lot of comedians get such material.. but wearing such clothing invites such a thought :)

got any to share ?

dm_boozefreek · September 2012

I got a laugh at work the other night from my work mates, when I was telling them a story about one of my mates from back home getting a golden shower.

one of them said "Well that ain't that bad, it's not that freaky these days"

...and I topped it off with "It wouldn't be so bad if his girlfriend didn't look like a bricklayer".

....cue hysterically laughing bunch of Americans :D

def chris · September 2012

my neighbour - whilst talking about a guy that lives a few doors down from us who has a habit of coming home drunk and banging on his door for his g/f to let him in late at night - saying "his girlfriend's pregnant, imagine what kind of life that kid's going to have with a father like that". ---this , coming from a guy who swears openly in front of his own 2 young kids, smashes stuff up, tells them to beat other kids up, smokes weed literally all day long, and has arguments with his ex wife which have ended with his car being smashed up and the police called more than once - all in front of his kids.

my immediate reaction was to go "you can't talk mate!!" but obviously I didn't say it...

dm_boozefreek · September 2012

A guy I work with told me he'd cheated on his girlfriend last night, I was like "hmmmm?", then he says you wanna see the girl I cheated with? I was pretty much like "hmmmmm? OK then?". I didn't really give sh*t tbh.

But he then shows me a picture of this big fat grotesque munter, he then shows me a picture of his girlfriend.

A little African girl who really loves him as well, and she's so pretty it's unbelievable. I didn't bite my lip I just said to him "Mate! WTF have you done?".

His girlfriend is really devoted as well from what I understand, I just don't get how people can cheat on a pretty girl who's all over them with a big fat pig who's probably hanging around for some sinister reason.

I really wanted to say "You shady bastard" to him, and tell him he didn't deserve his girlfriend. But obviously I just sort of uncomfortably went along with his patter, ruined my first smoke break, and I could tell the other guy who was outside was feeling a little put off with his story as well.

fog · September 2012

think his cousin, live in london on the road that backs on to me :(

reminds me of the f**ker who rang the doorbell at 7am 1 morning asking to borrow ?1 for the bus.. to go to the hospital to see his wife who just had a baby ....(obviously a druggie of some sort)

pity he tried it again 3 months later, told him to go contact "the sun".. as his wife must be exceptional to be popping em out so quick :lol:

that time I didn't bite my lip as he'd woken me up.

Vampyre · September 2012

There's a new guy started at our place. Fresh out of uni, 21, a bit mouth and trousers, and to hear him talk he has obviously already lived for 75 years as he knows everything. I don't mind that, it's quite funny really.

Anyway, he's a bit heavy, not fat, but chunky, and the other day he was moaning about how he can't understand why he can't get any weight off. This was whilst eating one of those big pizza slices, a baguette loaded with ham and cheese in another bag, a bag of crisps, a Wispa bar and of course the obligatory Diet Coke.

I'd said it before I'd put my brain into gear, "It's gonna take more than a Diet-****ing-Coke, you know."

The silence for the rest of the day was deafening.

Winston · September 2012

Vampyre wrote: »

The silence for the rest of the day was deafening.

I dunno, with a knowitall, the silence for the rest of the day was probably also golden...

gasman · September 2012

A few years ago I was in the checkout queue at the Co-op, and the guy on the counter was arranging some extra assistance for an old lady. He called out to his colleague, in total seriousness: "Janet, can you call this lady a taxi?"

It was the perfect setup to respond with "OK, you're a taxi", but I don't think it would have been appreciated :-(

zxbruno · September 2012

I bite my lip all the time because I work in retail. Guess the rest...

dm_boozefreek · September 2012

zxbruno wrote: »

I bite my lip all the time because I work in retail. Guess the rest...

You are not alone, my friend ;)

ADJB · September 2012

There is a young lady at work who has a "lovely personality"(1) and insists on wearing those stretch nylon legging thingies which isn't a pretty sight first thing in the morning. (or for that matter at any time during the day or night). A couple of weeks ago she announced that she is going to get married and she told us that it was to somebody who non of us knows, not surprising in itself. We wandered back into the support citidal and somebody asked if anybody knew anything about the "lucky" chap in question and before I could stop myself I said "well we know he should have gone to specsavers". Apparently that didn't go down well when she heard about it but at least it gave everybody else a laugh.

(1) As defined by Rogers Profanosaurus

joefish · September 2012

Sometimes I manage to stop myself. Like one time I met a guy I knew of - didn't much like, but there was no real bad blood. But anyway, it was amongst a bunch of sci-fi fans. He turned up with his girlfriend, and she was huge. Suddenly a line of dialogue from a popular film sprang to mind, and had to be battered back before I blurted out:
"You came in that? You're braver than I thought!"

Scottie_uk · September 2012

Politics and blatant favouritism often rear head at my workplace. I think I have at least two bite your lip moments every week.

ccowley · September 2012

What is this "biting your lip" of which you all speak? Sounds like hom talk to me.

polomint · September 2012

joefish wrote: »

Sometimes I manage to stop myself. Like one time I met a guy I knew of - didn't much like, but there was no real bad blood. But anyway, it was amongst a bunch of sci-fi fans. He turned up with his girlfriend, and she was huge. Suddenly a line of dialogue from a popular film sprang to mind, and had to be battered back before I blurted out:
"You came in that? You're braver than I thought!"

lmao, that's classic !!!

thx1138 · September 2012

ADJB wrote: »

There is a young lady at work who has a "lovely personality"(1) and insists on wearing those stretch nylon legging thingies which isn't a pretty sight first thing in the morning. (or for that matter at any time during the day or night). A couple of weeks ago she announced that she is going to get married and she told us that it was to somebody who non of us knows, not surprising in itself. We wandered back into the support citidal and somebody asked if anybody knew anything about the "lucky" chap in question and before I could stop myself I said "well we know he should have gone to specsavers". Apparently that didn't go down well when she heard about it but at least it gave everybody else a laugh.

(1) As defined by Rogers Profanosaurus

what the f? Is a support Citadel? It sounds like a temping agency for medievel Henchmen.

All the black knights get sluaghteted by robbing hood on account of the usrsless temps from the support citadel not turning up before 9am, then when they do arrive, Janice from admin had to show them where the privvy is, and explain when they take thru tavern breaks and by the the time everyones git their time parchment signed, its already 10am and the battles been lost.

thx1138 · September 2012

Btw my laptop is dead, can't afford new one, and this phone us too fiddly to post often. So typos be damned.

bite your lip moments

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