middle management and working with friends...
So as you guys probably remember for the past year I've been working as a scriptwriter. I've never been so happy with a job, or felt so fulfilled and competent.
Two months ago my boss (well not my "real" boss, the the person who was coordinating the series I was writing for) was fired, and the board decided I should stop writing and become the new showrunner for the series.
My life has become hell for the last two months... I have to coordinate the team of writers, I have to file reports to the board, respond to the director of the show, as well as to the production team. And the worst part is that I feel i'm not being creative at all (that and the fact that I've been sleeping an avarage of 3 to 4 hours a day... I really feel like I'm reaching my limit).
but still I have not complained, kept working, trying to keep up with the schedule (that is hell I have to send 10 episodes a week, and I mostly re-write them all...), most of the senior writers went to another series my company is working on, and I was left with a team of interns and experimental writers (imagine the worst scenario and It's pretty close what I'm living.) Not to mention that this is the first time I've ever done this sort of job...
I don't know how people handle middle management... I'm always the bad guy to both the people over and under me!
but that's not the worst part... ever since I went to this company, one of my best friends has asked if I could give a good word so he could work in there as well. I've had bad experiences in the past on recommending people to jobs, but this is one of my closets friends, who I've talked about all the experiences I've had in the job, the stress, the work, etc.
he wrote a script, it was a good one, he then wrote two more that where equally good. And when I become the coordinator, the only "demand" I made was that the company hired him. because he would guarantee me a good scrit a week (he wasn't originally a script writer, but he always wanted an opportunity to work there).
Ever since day one, things didn't really worked perfect, I needed a right arm beside me... but he was still adapting, his scripts suffered a little in terms of quality... and two weeks after he started, he talked about how stressful the job was... and had some resistance with suggestions I made to his scripts.
his wife was preagnant, and he asked me what was the company policy in terms of absence days once the child was born, he wanted to stay at home at leas 15 days to a month.
my 1st son was born nearly a year ago, he was born in the same week I started working... and after 3 days I was back at the office writing. that's what pretty much every one has been doing in the company. I told him this, and he decided to go talk with our superior, who told him (has he had told me) that when he was a father, he took the laptop to the hospital and worked there.
so his son was born the week end before christmas, he hasn't worked or showed up at work till the 2nd of december, I allowed him to work from home... he only had to go to the writers meetings, and this friday he delivered me a script that wasn't good, and demanded lots of re-writing. (anyone who read it could feel that his head was not at all in the place). I send it back and told him to re-write, and since he's a big friend of mine, I even had more patience with him than I would usually have with any other writer.
one our later he called quitting the job, telling it was to stressfull, that he realised that he didn't have tallent for writing, that he's unhappy, that he wasn't expecting that the job was so demanding, and other crap like that. (And even said: I've just been a dad and I want to spend time with my baby, not everyone is focused like you and can leave the baby home to go to work). he's been working there for less than 2 months... I really don't get it.
What is worse is that he knows we are behind schedule, and that I've recently lost 3 script writers... so he'll put me in a harsh position (he told "I can stay till the end of the month).
Monday I'll have to talk to my superior and explain why the only person I demanded for my team is quitting.
I really think this is the last time i'll ever recommend a friend to a job.
I don't think I'll
Two months ago my boss (well not my "real" boss, the the person who was coordinating the series I was writing for) was fired, and the board decided I should stop writing and become the new showrunner for the series.
My life has become hell for the last two months... I have to coordinate the team of writers, I have to file reports to the board, respond to the director of the show, as well as to the production team. And the worst part is that I feel i'm not being creative at all (that and the fact that I've been sleeping an avarage of 3 to 4 hours a day... I really feel like I'm reaching my limit).
but still I have not complained, kept working, trying to keep up with the schedule (that is hell I have to send 10 episodes a week, and I mostly re-write them all...), most of the senior writers went to another series my company is working on, and I was left with a team of interns and experimental writers (imagine the worst scenario and It's pretty close what I'm living.) Not to mention that this is the first time I've ever done this sort of job...
I don't know how people handle middle management... I'm always the bad guy to both the people over and under me!
but that's not the worst part... ever since I went to this company, one of my best friends has asked if I could give a good word so he could work in there as well. I've had bad experiences in the past on recommending people to jobs, but this is one of my closets friends, who I've talked about all the experiences I've had in the job, the stress, the work, etc.
he wrote a script, it was a good one, he then wrote two more that where equally good. And when I become the coordinator, the only "demand" I made was that the company hired him. because he would guarantee me a good scrit a week (he wasn't originally a script writer, but he always wanted an opportunity to work there).
Ever since day one, things didn't really worked perfect, I needed a right arm beside me... but he was still adapting, his scripts suffered a little in terms of quality... and two weeks after he started, he talked about how stressful the job was... and had some resistance with suggestions I made to his scripts.
his wife was preagnant, and he asked me what was the company policy in terms of absence days once the child was born, he wanted to stay at home at leas 15 days to a month.
my 1st son was born nearly a year ago, he was born in the same week I started working... and after 3 days I was back at the office writing. that's what pretty much every one has been doing in the company. I told him this, and he decided to go talk with our superior, who told him (has he had told me) that when he was a father, he took the laptop to the hospital and worked there.
so his son was born the week end before christmas, he hasn't worked or showed up at work till the 2nd of december, I allowed him to work from home... he only had to go to the writers meetings, and this friday he delivered me a script that wasn't good, and demanded lots of re-writing. (anyone who read it could feel that his head was not at all in the place). I send it back and told him to re-write, and since he's a big friend of mine, I even had more patience with him than I would usually have with any other writer.
one our later he called quitting the job, telling it was to stressfull, that he realised that he didn't have tallent for writing, that he's unhappy, that he wasn't expecting that the job was so demanding, and other crap like that. (And even said: I've just been a dad and I want to spend time with my baby, not everyone is focused like you and can leave the baby home to go to work). he's been working there for less than 2 months... I really don't get it.
What is worse is that he knows we are behind schedule, and that I've recently lost 3 script writers... so he'll put me in a harsh position (he told "I can stay till the end of the month).
Monday I'll have to talk to my superior and explain why the only person I demanded for my team is quitting.
I really think this is the last time i'll ever recommend a friend to a job.
I don't think I'll
Post edited by VanTammen on
Comments
Stop thinking about yourself and how it only affects you and try a little empathy. Maybe YOU thrive on the stress, not everyone does. This is what really annoys me about work-centered people. They seem to think that unless everybody else thinks the same way as them they should be deemed as lazy or some sort of slacker.
Some people choose to put family before work, some don't. Get over the fact that not everyone thinks like you. Personally? Family comes first every time - period. I work solely to provide for my family, and pay the bills, not for some self-gratification. Admittedly, I do have the advantage of working in a job I very much like, so it's like a working hobby really :-)
I cannot understand anyone who would put work before family, especially around the time of a new arrival.
You say that the job makes you fulfilled and competent, yet then you then say your life has become hell.
It sounds like your friend felt under extreme pressure to both ensure that he didn't let you down, but also to take best care of his family. In the end, family won, as it should.
Please reflect upon this situation and ask yourself what's more important.
I've been in this situation before with an employer who took me for granted, and expected me to essentially place them first. I'm no slacker, I enjoy my work, but do not appreciate being taken advantage of. I didn't stay long.
B
zx-diagnostics - Fixing ZX Spectrums in the 21st Century (wiki)
Sinclair FAQ Wiki
hmmmm, this sentence says so much more about you than your friend.
I think your friend has his priorities right. Providing for your family is about so much more than money.
I also think that rather than just considering that your friend has let you down, maybe ask yourself why he felt he could not work for you.
It's hard when you get that job you have been striving for and then work out its all stress, continual work, pain and very little fun.
I believe his angst may be whats bringing on this negative perception. I know because I have and currently am experiencing this. For me it's a continual feeling of depression, mixed with incapability and feeling continually overwhelmed.
I've actually considered severe life changes, but know if I do we will loose all we have worked for, the home, my career and our possible comfortable (no not stinking rich) futures.
I was going to start a thread about anxiety. I may still do that.
Yep, children grow up so fast. It would be awful to look back on your children growing up and realised you missed it because you were working. No amount of financial gain is worth that.
It was quite refreshing when I started my new job, they acknowledged that the only reason we were there was to earn money. I'm not earning a huge amount but because of my shift patterns, I get to spend a lot of time with my children. And that to me is preferable to a high stress job paying mega bucks.
RIP Daniel.
I'm okay BTW. I hadn't spoken to him other than on Facebook for about 20 years. We were like brothers as kids and I did miss him. There was a big 40th birthday bash planned for March where I was hoping to fully catch up.
B
zx-diagnostics - Fixing ZX Spectrums in the 21st Century (wiki)
Sinclair FAQ Wiki
Seconded, I shuddered when I read that. So sorry.
Spookily enough, I am also 39 and very stressed with work at moment, combined with warnings from doc regarding my lifestyle recently. I must take heed.
As for my work obsession, maybe I've been a little to much the past year... before that I was nearly 2 years unemployed, doing some small jobs that clearly didn't pay the bills, and that put year with out wages put me on a very complicated financial situation (that only now I've been able to break even). I agree that being a parent is more than just money, but not having money to pay for rent, electricity or groceries is a something I don't want to experience ever again, specially now that I'm a dad.
what mostly annoys me on this situation, is that my friend asked me for the job, called me constantly to get him the job. I never lied to him, I told him about the stress, about the conditions, about the hours, etc. I knew he was going to have a very similar experience to mine, and I couldn't have been more transparent about the difficulties he would have.
we've been best friends for 15 years now, and he could have talked to me, I've asked him during this time if all was going ok, and he always said yes, and the one day I tell him his works needs reworking, he quits.
I'm sure the idea was there for a long time now... but I do feel betrayed, he could have talked to me, like we always did for the past 15 years.
maybe I'm just sad because I thought it would be pretty cool to have a best friend working with me...
Yep same here. I deliberately don't work full-time in my current job (I do about 30-35 hours a week) because I want some flexibility, I don't want to ask my boss's permission to go and see my little girl's nativity play or pick my boy up from school when it's his birthday. Luckily he's got 6 (!) kids himself so he's very understanding.
When it's busy I do more hours - although I did 27 days in a row in November-December (out of necessity, nobody else could do the job) and it nearly killed me. I'm not doing that ever again.
But I know of so many dads who commute to London every day and only have quality time with their kids at weekends (by which time they're knackered). And for what? Yes their kids probably have everything money can buy - nice house, expensive schooling, latest iGadgets etc - but do they know their dads?
The trouble is (in the UK anyway) everyone wants to keep up with the Joneses, they all want the nice house, expensive schools and latest iGadgets for their kids, "oh I don't want my kids to go without", that sort of thing, just to impress their friends. Then the parents are forever miserable because they're stuck in a stressful job or have to get into debt, but that's OK, because we got little Johnny an iPad to show him how much we love him! :roll:
Priorities again...
Well I guess he didn't want to let you down so kept going as long as he could, hoping it would get better, until he finally reached breaking point. So in his own way he was trying to protect you, even though to you it feels like he's dropped you in the sh*t. He's got his own stuff to deal with, same as you. Just let it go, not worth losing a best friend over it.
I haven't spoken to my cousins in almost 15 years, and me and the older one were pretty close when we were younger. He'll be 40 now, and his little brother will be 30.
Reading your bad news made me think that I should make an effort to get back in touch with both of them if I go back to England this year :(
As for the working with friends thing it's tricky, I've made friends with people I work with but many friends would annoy me if I worked with them. In my case some of my best mates are lazy ****ers and would drive me insane with their work shy antics and desire to doss about so I'd never work with them in the first place, no matter what.
But I think on this one the problem is the company you work for not your mate, it sounds effed up if they expected you back at work after a few days following the birth of your kid.
Your mate has the right idea in telling em to do one if they expect that still - we (men) get f all time with our kids (14 days paternity plus any annual leave you might have is a disgrace) after they pop so to be expected to settle for 2 or 3 days is just mental to my mind.
I guess the only thing he might have done better is tell you his intentions earlier so you can cover yourself work wise. But he might have been tied up in knots about it, can't be easy to stitch up a friend but then no way can he let down his pregnant girlfriend and newborn either.
I think you all guys are missing the point that in some countries, specially now, as Spain, Portugal, Greece, etc, there is no time to "choose priorities", as you have to find desperately a job, and even work 14 hours to provide food to your family, even if you only see them 2 hours a day. I think you are a bit spoilt in that sense, since in countries like UK, Germany, Holland, etc, you can choose even working part-time, thing which is, unless you want to get fired, generally an impossible in another countries ;)
I wouldn't say the job market is booming here but yeah fair point there could be pressures which I'm not aware of....I still reckon the company is playing fast n loose with people's lives and health though if they are applying that kind of pressure in this situation
I guess we're at an age now where we find that we're not as invincible as we were.
It's fine to take more time for yourself, as well as your body. Life's too short.
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I sympathise, I really do and I'd like to apologise for coming over very harsh in my initial post. I know exactly what it's like to land your dream job after being essentially on the scrap heap for years before (I worked for Local Government - a terrible, not-very-well-paid job). You want to throw yourself into it to prove to everyone that you're capable, even doing stupid hours. The thing is there are only a certain amount of hours in the day and if what I suspect about my cousin is true trying to work beyond them is only going to lead to one eventuality...
I can understand the feeling of betrayal too but I think you have to see it from your friends perspective. I bet coming to the decision to quit has been absolute agony for him - not least the fear of letting you down. Part of the problem might be that he couldn't talk to you as a friend about it as you're now his boss. We might not like to think anything has changed but the goal posts of the relationship really have moved. I know because I've been in a similar situation - I worked for a friend and there were certain things I couldn't talk to him about like I could before. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but the situation had changed. And don't we all like to think that no matter what work ever throws at us we would cope with our chest puffed out and man-out the hard times. Once reality hits and it's day after day after day, and even worse feeling out of your depth and incompetent* no matter how good you are at your job. It's time to make changes IMO.
* I once put a post up on Facebook about developing which was a link to a page where a seasoned developer felt that no matter how competent, professional and good at his job he knew he was, he couldn't help feeling like a know-nothing fraud at times. This really hit home with me as a developer. I've been doing it 14 years and I know my way around VB.NET, C# and various database engines (primarily SQL Server) and I'm still a bit vague with javascript and jquery even after all those years, but I pick things up quickly and I'm prepared to try my hand at anything. But developing can be really soul-destroying when you read about these supposedly rockstar developers who can program in 47 different languages, know about every framework under the sun and still somehow manage to blog 76 times per week even whilst rocking out the latest software masterpiece.
So I put this message up and jokingly put a "not just me who thinks like this" message alongside it. 3 of my friends who are 3 of the best developers I've ever known felt exactly the same. These are guys, one who's worked for MS, another one in the games industry for Psygnosis and Rage Software, another with twenty years under his belt with some stunning software who I held on a pedestal who admitted that most of the time they felt like utter frauds! It really got me thinking: if your employer is happy to keep paying you then you must be doing something bloody right!
I know what you mean about those rock star developers. What also makes me feel that way is the seemingly impossible detailed levels of minutia that people use to support their arrogently made (in a 'I'm considerably more technical than yaou' kind of wat)arguments in web forums. I'm like I've been using that language for years and never knew that, where do you get this information, and how do you get the time to take on board all this stuff and have like 10,000 posts and so many gold stars and so on.
Then I go and watch an MIT lecture and loose the will to live.
I also find that the types of developer who always know the answer to everything are not the ones you'd let anywhere near a customer ;)
B
zx-diagnostics - Fixing ZX Spectrums in the 21st Century (wiki)
Sinclair FAQ Wiki
So it looks like my big meet up with the family I've not seen for nearly 25 years is going to be a funeral...
shame to say but once we get to a certain age we're more likely to see family at funerals than anything else :(
An interesting article on workaholism came up on a Code Project email today: http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2014/01/20/dealing-with-workaholism-on-web-teams/
There is a much shorter word, much less sexy word, which is a synonym for this kind of "rockstar developer", that word is liar. Most of the time, a developer who brags if you actually go and look at what they are doing, they are not actually competent.
All the good developers I know are almost exactly the opposite of a rock star. They don't brag and don't want to be in the limelight, and often fret that really they aren't as competent as other people say they are. I really dislike the term "rockstar developer", because it seems to me self contradictory.
If it's making you miserable, all that is worth losing. The US has an enormously diverse economy and also some reasonable but ridiculously cheap places to live. If your career is making you miserable, it's not worth it nor is your current lifestyle worth it, IMHO. Throw it away and start again somewhere new instead of killing yourself slowly even if it means bad material wealth.
We hired one of those in my previous organization and yes incompetent is a very appropriate word to use, con man another. He had all these up and coming social media endeavors and projects, and a web presence of a successful software entrepreneur, speaking at regional conferences for this that and the other within the sphere of Bank Wagon computing subjects like Social Media, the Web and mobile technologies. Turned out his coding ability extended little beyond making an image animate from the right side to the left side of a browser in JavaScript. He soon (two months) left citing creative differences.
He now runs a successful line of software oriented conferences and is doing very well. Probably because he can leave the clever stuff to his speakers who simply just don't know he's a fake.
Than I'd beat myself up about how I coulda, shoulda woulda been this that and the other. Things are better now and I' beginning to enjoy things again.