When I worked for Local Government I had a manager who, like virtually all people who talk corporate ****-babble just latch onto these things and think it makes them sound professional, had a real annoying habit of using the phrase "pro-active" whenever he could. Thing is, he wasn't so much asking us to be pro-active as being able to see into the future...
most times when i hear this hollow complicated talk that doesn't mean anything in my workplace.
i think about what dilbert cartoon bit does this remind me of :))
Not typical management speak but something I remember from the Home office. During a redundancy situation, the new area manager said in a team briefing that things would have more direction once the dead wood had gone. During industrial relations meetings he often said he wanted the path of least resistance too. Was never sure what he meant by that. I took it to mean not a good thing.
I get the impression "Heads up" is used when you're about to tell people off, as it's usually followed by something like "Last nights performance was not up to scratch", Or "You guys aren't doing *insert menial task here* right!".
I've even walked into the back room at work and shouted "Heads up mother**kers! You're all in the sh*t!", and when everybodies faces went pale, and/or angry looking, I dropped the classic "Nah! I'm just f**kin' wiv' yer'!". I do that quite often actually.....I'm a terrible manager :))
I get the impression "Heads up" is used when you're about to tell people off, as it's usually followed by something like "Last nights performance was not up to scratch", Or "You guys aren't doing *insert menial task here* right!".
I've even walked into the back room at work and shouted "Heads up mother**kers! You're all in the sh*t!", and when everybodies faces went pale, and/or angry looking, I dropped the classic "Nah! I'm just f**kin' wiv' yer'!". I do that quite often actually.....I'm a terrible manager :))
I don't know, you sound like you would be quite a laugh to work with. The yanks probably don't get you sense of humor most of the time though I am sure.
Well one of the higher up managers was sneaking around behind my back on my night off, asking questions about how I run things, and what people think of me? Which made me livid, but also worried me a bit because when the higher ups start snooping around like that it's possible they could be going to try and f**k me over.
Funny thing is though my entire crew told him I did a great job, one guy threatened to quit if I got demoted or made to step down, another guy told him I know exactly what I'm doing, another guy told him I'm one of the fairest managers he's ever worked for in any job.
I must be doing something right because my assistant (yes I have an assistant now =)) ) , texted me literally the minute the other manager left and told me about what had happened.
I went stomping into work the next afternoon on my day off and spoke to one of the higher up managers than him who I've known for almost 8 years now, and told him that if any of the managers in positions between him and me had a problem with me be it work related or personal to come to my f**king face with it, instead of being a sneaky c*nt and snooping around my crew when I'm not there. He knows what I'm like so I can talk to him like that without p*ss*ng him off, and he said if he had a problem he'd have let me know about it, and he would of so I believe him when he says that. He's a good guy to work for, and a pretty good guy in general.
I'm assuming he may have passed the message on to the rest though, because every manager above me is now suddenly being extremely nice to me.
Someone came to my desk today and said their manager had told them to "link in" with me. I looked at them in a WFT? manner - they knew why, but I said it anyway ... "you mean, they asked you to come and talk to me".
Someone came to my desk today and said their manager had told them to "link in" with me. I looked at them in a WFT? manner - they knew why, but I said it anyway ... "you mean, they asked you to come and talk to me".
I saw two more today in an email. We were advised to be 'Customer Obsessed' and it also said to 'Live by the Vodafone Brand' or something, i didn't read it all as it was total bullshit and deleted it.
I've got better things to be getting on with, like talking English.
I friggin' hate the phrase "reach out to". It sounds like what an emo teenager does. Use the bloody word "contact", it's two words shorter than "reach out to" to start off with.
there was a great example of this on the first episode of the new apprentice series. one of the contestants piped up with this:
"a fully managed and implemented business growth campaign that starts with a focused base camp to remove the clouds from our client's business growth mountain so they can clearly see the summit we are aiming for."
I saw two more today in an email. We were advised to be 'Customer Obsessed' and it also said to 'Live by the Vodafone Brand' or something, i didn't read it all as it was total bullshit and deleted it.
I've got better things to be getting on with, like talking English.
Customer Obsessed? Does that mean you have to stalk them on Facebook?
there was a great example of this on the first episode of the new apprentice series. one of the contestants piped up with this:
"a fully managed and implemented business growth campaign that starts with a focused base camp to remove the clouds from our client's business growth mountain so they can clearly see the summit we are aiming for."
alan sugar's response: "what a load of ****" :)
I saw that! It was funny. Alan said it was a load of **** and everyone laughed, except the guy who wrote it. He looked pissed off that everyone laughed at him :))
yeah was funny. I know a good deal of the show is set up for the cameras but he blatantly looked like the kind of guy who would come out with that stuff anyway
Customer Obsessed? Does that mean you have to stalk them on Facebook?
I can confirm vodafone are obsessed stalkers, they tried to contact me at least half a dozen times when they were told not to, while my dispute with their ridiculous bill was being looked at by the ombudsman. (I won)
I saw two more today in an email. We were advised to be 'Customer Obsessed' and it also said to 'Live by the Vodafone Brand' or something, i didn't read it all as it was total bullshit and deleted it.
I've got better things to be getting on with, like talking English.
Customer Obsessed? Does that mean you have to stalk them on Facebook?
Haha! Yeah something like that popped into my head when i read it :D
I've got a dud on my staff, he's a nice kid, but he's had problems, but I don't want to be the utter bast who puts the final nail in his coffin (One more warning or write up and he gets a 2 week suspension, where the managers above me then meet to decide if they want him back).
I was told tonight I could offer incentives to maximise his endurance, in order to boost his performance to outstanding levels.
I interpreted that as "Buy the lazy prick a Red Bull" =))
Another one - i was talking to my manager about a fault we had with a customer in Germany, she asked if i had 'reached out to the overseas carrier'. I said i hadn't because my arms weren't long enough. She was not happy!
Another one - i was talking to my manager about a fault we had with a customer in Germany, she asked if i had 'reached out to the overseas carrier'. I said i hadn't because my arms weren't long enough. She was not happy!
Should have dropped something like "I can't - my Manta doesn't have a communications pod" or "Thermopylae is now an enemy island, so my supply chain is disrupted".
I have an email that refers to "safe operation of a desk".
Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've been trained properly in operating a horizontal piece of wood...
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i think about what dilbert cartoon bit does this remind me of :))
I think most of it comes from yanks because it seems incredibly stupid newspeak.
I caught myself saying this today. Heads up? I wonder who first uttered that.
I've even walked into the back room at work and shouted "Heads up mother**kers! You're all in the sh*t!", and when everybodies faces went pale, and/or angry looking, I dropped the classic "Nah! I'm just f**kin' wiv' yer'!". I do that quite often actually.....I'm a terrible manager :))
I don't know, you sound like you would be quite a laugh to work with. The yanks probably don't get you sense of humor most of the time though I am sure.
Funny thing is though my entire crew told him I did a great job, one guy threatened to quit if I got demoted or made to step down, another guy told him I know exactly what I'm doing, another guy told him I'm one of the fairest managers he's ever worked for in any job.
I must be doing something right because my assistant (yes I have an assistant now =)) ) , texted me literally the minute the other manager left and told me about what had happened.
I went stomping into work the next afternoon on my day off and spoke to one of the higher up managers than him who I've known for almost 8 years now, and told him that if any of the managers in positions between him and me had a problem with me be it work related or personal to come to my f**king face with it, instead of being a sneaky c*nt and snooping around my crew when I'm not there. He knows what I'm like so I can talk to him like that without p*ss*ng him off, and he said if he had a problem he'd have let me know about it, and he would of so I believe him when he says that. He's a good guy to work for, and a pretty good guy in general.
I'm assuming he may have passed the message on to the rest though, because every manager above me is now suddenly being extremely nice to me.
Should of got out your gameboy and link cable!
Imodium should sort 'em out.
Some of those things are amazing =))
Especially the first one as it says these aren't generated they're real things that have actually been said to people :))
I've got better things to be getting on with, like talking English.
"a fully managed and implemented business growth campaign that starts with a focused base camp to remove the clouds from our client's business growth mountain so they can clearly see the summit we are aiming for."
alan sugar's response: "what a load of ****" :)
Customer Obsessed? Does that mean you have to stalk them on Facebook?
I saw that! It was funny. Alan said it was a load of **** and everyone laughed, except the guy who wrote it. He looked pissed off that everyone laughed at him :))
I can confirm vodafone are obsessed stalkers, they tried to contact me at least half a dozen times when they were told not to, while my dispute with their ridiculous bill was being looked at by the ombudsman. (I won)
Haha! Yeah something like that popped into my head when i read it
:D
I was told tonight I could offer incentives to maximise his endurance, in order to boost his performance to outstanding levels.
I interpreted that as "Buy the lazy prick a Red Bull" =))
I dunno if it's just me but that sounds a bit fnarr. I mean, what are you a floor manager in the porn film industry.
http://www.theorangetreebaldock.com/quizzes/images/vizcha10.jpg
Should have dropped something like "I can't - my Manta doesn't have a communications pod" or "Thermopylae is now an enemy island, so my supply chain is disrupted".
You mean "tell everyone"?
Pish!! Just saw someone else wrote that one, so it's not just us! :p
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Come to think of it, I'm not sure I've been trained properly in operating a horizontal piece of wood...
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