Hampstead
from Melbourne House

Hampstead is an adventure game for would-be social climbers. Speed of
reaction isn't so important. What matters is your ability to solve
complex problems, which get harder the further you proceed in the game.

Hampstead is a quest, but not for gold. The aim of it is to reach the
pinnacle of social status, and acquiring wealth is only one part of
the problem. If you wish to go up in the world you also have to gain
the admiration and respect of your fellow men, and there's more to
that than a fat bank balance.

In Hampstead it helps to know something about art - or rather, to give
the impression you do. You must wear the right clothes, be seen in the
right places, live in the right house with the right partner and use
the correct mode of transport.

At the start of the game you are a nobody whose aim is to become a
somebody. So lie, cheat, steal and defraud. You know it makes sense.

QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK ABOUT HAMPSTEAD:
Q: Is there life after Hampstead?
A: No, Only before and during.

Q: Why do dustbins have no lids in Hampstead?
A: In order that passers-by may see the week's completed Guardian
   crosswords stacked neatly within.

Hampstead - a new type of adventure game!

Classification: ADVENTURE
                Includes 16 page booklet
Level: Suitable for Beginner to Experienced Adventurer
Average completion time: Several weeks
Written in 100% machine language
Loading time: 5 mins. approximately

                            HAMPSTEAD
                 A NEW TYPE OF ADVENTURE GAME

  HAMPSTEAD is an adventure game for would-be social climbers. For
those who have never played one before, an adventure game generally
depends on the use of brainpower. Speed of reaction isn't so
important. What matters is the ability to solve complex problems,
which get harder the further you proceed in the game.
  Most computer adventures involve a quest of some sort, usually for
hidden treasure. There will often be dragons to kill and nasty goblins
to avoid.
  HAMPSTEAD is a quest, but not for gold. The aim of it is to reach
the pinnacle of social status, and acquiring wealth is only one part
of the problem. If you wish to go up in the world you also have to
gain the admiration and respect of your fellow men, and there's more
to that than a fat bank balance.
  In HAMPSTEAD it helps to know something about art - or rather, to
give the impression you do. You must wear the right clothes, be seen
in the right places, live in the right house with the right partner
and use the correct mode of transport. You must meet the right sort
of people and say the right things to them.
  Although the old school tie never does any harm, your most important
tool is simply the ruthless and skilful use of your natural cunning.
At the start of the game you are a nobody whose aim is to become a
somebody. So lie, cheat, steal and defraud. You KNOW it makes sense.

Attaining Hampstead
"""""""""""""""""""
                          PICTURE OF AN HOUSE
                         An overdose of quaintness can bring on nausea.
                         The denizens of these violently twee Hampstead
                      cottages therefore always approach in sunglasses.

  The crucial point to remember at all times is this: you cannot
attain HAMPSTEAD just by going there. Your task is not merely to visit
the place but to become a Hampstead person. Hampstead people may seem
terribly casual, as if anything goes, but frankly you will not be
invited into their homes unless you are quite clearly one of them.
  There are many pitfalls. There are places you will not be allowed to
enter without the required social credentials. There are people in
those places who can help you attain HAMPSTEAD. And there are some
people whom, having met once, you will never wish to set eyes on again.
  Your background - luckily - doesn't matter too much. There are plenty
of critics, playwrights, architects and designers, actors and academics
who also came from nowhere and ended up attaining HAMPSTEAD. And you
can become one of them by collecting the trophies and symbols of
Hampstead Man.

Attitude
""""""""
  The successful people in life are those who can brazen their way out
of any difficulty. They are not afraid to claw shamelessly for
everything they want. So be unscrupulous. How did all those people get
to the top of the tree in the first place? Not by being nice. So bear
in mind that anyone who does you a favour is a sucker, and ripe for
stabbing in the back. Just choose your moment carefully.
  In the game of HAMPSTEAD, however, the most deadly weapon you can
possess is a credit card. As in real life it is not a good idea to
attack anyone physically, let alone kill them. Hampstead Man is far
more subtle than that.

                          PICTURE OF A RESTAURANT
              Keith and Dave practise looking as if they own the place.

Progress
""""""""
  So wretched is your social position at the beginning of the game
that the only way is up. It's quite obvious that you must dress more
smartly, travel in better style and start to mingle with the high and
mighty. But the choices will become less obvious as you approach the
higher reaches of society. Attaining HAMPSTEAD means so much more than
simply grabbing the treasure and heading for the hills. Think of your
IMAGE. think cultural, think political. Hamstead Man does.
  As the adventure begins, you are sitting around at home in your
horrible, dingy little house. You have nothing - not even street
credibility. You are on the dole. You have no firends and no money.
But don't let that bother you! The big, wide world of social
opportunity exists just outside your gate.
  As you leave the house to go and sign on, make sure you're decent
and have some means of getting around. It is advisable to explore as
much of your immediate area as possible since you will find things
that later prove useful. Some of the things you find may seem useful,
but aren't. And some of the things which at first appear useless may
actually turn out to be rather vital.

Setting Off
"""""""""""
  Set up the computer and load the game by typing in LOAD "". When the
program is fully loaded the message WELCOME TO HAMPSTEAD will appear.
Read the initial instructions carefully.
  You now find yourself in a dingy flat somewhere in north-west London,
watching '3-2-1' on television. This really is a depressing, degrading
position to be in, so get moving immediately.
  To get mobile, socially and physically, just use the simple compass
directions north, south, east, west. Sometimes you can go north-east,
north-west, south-east or south-west. You will also occasionally need
to go up or down. All these movements can be abbreviated thus:
N, S, E, W, NE, NW, SE, SW, U, D.
  This system applies whatever your mode of transport is, be it foot,
bicycle, train or car. There are places where transport is essential
and places where you are better off on foot.

Language
""""""""
  Apart from movements, most of your commands will be in the form
VERB NOUN. You will frequently wish to pick things up or put them
down, e.g. GET KEY, DROP KEY. If you want to investigate your
surroundings more closely, SEARCH ROOM / OFFICE / SHOP, or whatever
the location.
  Don't forget that doors, gates and the like can be opened and
closed, locked and unlocked. Sometimes you may need to get into
something locked by unconventional means.
  Having found an interesting object you may wish to look more closely
at it, in which case EXAMINE DOGS or READ MAGAZINE. In many cases it
will take a while to discover the correct command for what you want to
do ... but that's part of the fun!

Other useful commands
"""""""""""""""""""""
Score:     which speaks for itself. Your score is expressed as a
           percentage.
I:         for Inventory. This will give you a list of what you have
           with you and what you are wearing.
R:         for Re-describe. You will need to do this if the screen is
           filled with messages and commands, and you want to remind
           yourself where you are and what objects are visible.
Quit:      if you have had enough social climbing for one day. This is
           how you throw in the towel until next time.
Save/Load: to enable you to save the adventure up to the point you
           have reached and resume later. Check your computer manual
           for instructions.

                          PICTURE OF A ROAD
                     The bustling heart of Oxford Street, through which
                                every social climber must pass, however
                                                       recluctantly ...
Some things to avoid
""""""""""""""""""""
Death:        It is better to avoid inflicting death, both on oneself
              and on others.
Bad language: Certain words are not acceptable in Hampstead. You know
              exactly which ones we're talking about!
Hampstead:    Try not to be over-eger to attain HAMPSTEAD. Hampstead
              people can spot a social climber a mile off. Only head
              for Hampstead when you're certain you have everything
              you need.

Some useful verbs
"""""""""""""""""
ABSTAIN       EXAMINE         LEAVE         REMOVE
ACCEPT        FIND            LOCK          RIDE
BET           FORCE           LOOK          RING
BOARD         FLY             MARRY         SEARCH
BUY           GET             MEET          STEAL
CASH          GIVE            OFFER         TAKE
CLOSE         HELP            OPEN          TRANSLATE
DRIVE         HIDE            PICK          TURN
DROP          JOIN            PRISE         UNLOCK
EAT           JUMP            QUEUE         WATCH
ENTER         KISS            READ          WEAR

On the Dole
"""""""""""
  Some of you attempting this game have probably attained HAMPSTEAD
already in real life, and therefore may not know what on the dole
means. You are on the dole if you have no job. If you have no job, you
probably have no money either.
  The government therefore issues you with a card called a UB40 which
entitles you to collect unemployment benefit. This must be presented
at regular intervals at a "dole office", and a Giro cheque is later
sent to you through the post.
  In HAMPSTEAD, however, your home is so disreputable that the postman
has long since refused to deliver anything, so you must collect the
Giro in person, and then take it to a Post Office to be cashed.
  Whilst on the dole you may attempt to find a job. For this purpose
you could try the Jobcentre, which advertises vacancies
("job opportunities") for the unemployed.

Hampstead - What's the point?
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
  Everybody wants to feel superior. This feeling takes two forms.
Those without money must be content to feel morally superior. Those
without morals can feel financially superior. But only in Hampstead is
it possible to attain superiority in both.

Some notes on "HAMPSTEAD MAN"
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
                          PICTURE OF A RESTAURANT
       Carlos entertains Hampstead diners with a saucy anecdote or two.

  Hampstead man has a pair of matching Afghan hounds or Red Setters.
At any given time he is likely either to be listening to Verdi or
jogging. His home, a building at least 200 years old and surrounded by
luxuriant foliage, has a sturdy front door painted in a bright primary
colour.
  He has a highly-paid job which allows him to play squash during
weekday afternoons. Whatever work he is engaged in (and its exact
nature may never be entirely clear) is conducted over lunch,
i.e. between noon and 4 p.m.
  His graceful, attractive, soft-spoken wife has borne him three
gifted children: Ben, Tarquin and Hermione. his wife's name is almost
certainly Pippa or Flavia, though it could conceivably be Molly or
Bunty.

Things to do in Hampstead
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
 1. Take your bassoon along to complete a wind quartet at a neighbour's
    Boursin and claret party.
 2. Write witty letters to The Spectator.
 3. Nail a pair of snow-shoes to the wall in your loo.
 4. "Work" for an hour on the telephone in the morning and play croquet
    all afternoon.
 5. Teach your children Esperanto and encourage them to practise it on
    Italian waiters.
 6. Visit an art exhibition and laugh loudly at the mistakes in the
    catalogue.
 7. Invite the local wine-testing circle to come round and sample your
    cellar.
 8. Donate the original manuscript of your play ("A stunning
    theatrical achievement" - Sunday Times) to the Bodleian Library.
 9. Have Sir John Gieldgud's voice on your personal Ansaphone.
10. Speak admiringly of Tony Benn in the pub and, at the last minute,
    vote Liberal.

Around and about in Hampstead
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
- Amanda very carefully reads 'A Room of One's Own' in the Sunday
  Times Colour Supplement: has she been quoted accurately?
- Justin Perrier, art critic ordinaire, Hampstead resident,
  bon viveur, wag, wit and editor of Art&Antiques magazine.
- Vital to social climbers who can't afford new clothes, the Oxfam
  Shop is also useful for those who have attained Hampstead and find
  it amusing to look shabby.
- Before and after Oxfam comes respectability in the form of a smart
  new business suit...
- On the dole? Why not start at the bottom and work your way down.
- The 2CV parked on yellow lines outside - appropriately - Parks,
  where Hampstead Man conducts his 'business' over a pleasant four
  hour lunch.
- Pippa, Selina and their friends gather around the crepe stall prior
  to that rather interesting Jean Renoir film at the Hampstead
  Everyman.
- Lorraine and Tracey on the Heath. How come Pippa gets invited to
  these Covent Garden cocktail parties and not them?
- Sir Lionel Thrumm - a rare photograph of the millionaire merchant
  banker taken just prior to the San Paulo revelations.
- Lord Chubby Fish totters towards the large, well-deserved scotch and
  soda already prepared by Pilgrim the butler.
- It's seedy, it's depressing, and yes, it's just outside your back
  gate.
- Exhausted by a hard day's social climbing, Barry crosses the borders
  of Hampstead only to discover that he has still not attained it.

Questions People as about Hampstead
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Q: Is there life after Hampstead?
A: No. Only before and during.

Q: Having attained Hampstead, is it then safe to leave and return
   again?
A: Yes, because true Hampstead Man carries it with him wherever he
   goes.

Q: Why do dustbins have no lids in Hampstead?
A: In order that passers-by may see the week's completed Guardian
   cross-words stacked neatly within.

Q: Why do so many architects live in Hampstead?
A: Because, having devastated most of Britain's cities, they find it a
   quiet and pleasant place in which to design their bold and
   imaginative urban schemes. Le Corbusier, like socialism and
   Christianity, has never been given a chance. Vertical villages,
   streets in the sky ... these fabulous concepts were first thought
   up down cobbled alleys in Hampstead. It is a place for thinkers and
   iconoclasts who need the reassurance of stable, quaint surroundings
   in order to advance theories about knocking them down.

Q: What are the main causes of death in Hampstead?
A: 1. Terminal writer's cramp                              48  %
   2. Choking on muesli                                    24  %
   3. Savaged by Afghans (dogs, not freedom fighters)       9  %
   4. Caught in Venus fly-trap                             11  %
   5. Aerobics                                              7.5%
   6. Malnutrition                                          0.5%

The History of Hampstead
""""""""""""""""""""""""
  It was once thought that Hampstead's first appearance in the annals
of English history came when King Edgar presented the village to his
toady Mangoda in 975 AD. Actually the charter in which this
transaction is mentioned is now regarded as a bare-faced forgery,
along with the story put about by social-climbing monks that Ethelred
the Unready donated Hampstead to the diocese of Westminster.
  The derivation of the name "Hampstead" gives a clue to its true
origins. Geoffrey of Monmouth reports (in "History of the Kings of
Britain") that back in 677 AD, Ham - a certain messenger - galloped on
horseback from York to London to warn King Cadwallader of an imminent
Viking invasion.
  Unfortunately, such was Ham's haste that his exhausted mount
collapsed and died four miles from the city, and he was forced to walk
the rest of the way.
  He was doubly embarrassed to find that, due to earthquake, plague,
famine and civil war all coinciding, Cadwallader had three weeks
earlier sailed for Brittany, where he remained for several years,
waiting until things cooled off.
  Ham's sturdy effort was not entirely in vain, however. The heroic horse was commemorated by burial in consecrated ground close to the top of the hill whose savage gradient finally killed him. The spot became a minor centre for pilgrims on their way to Canterbury, and the village of Ham's-steed soon grew up around it.

                          PICTURE OF A STONE
                           The Ham's-steed stone can still be seen in a
                                      private garden near Keat's House.
